Finance Gifts

The Meaning of Life/Tax Avoidance Advice.

"On Wall Street today, news of lower interest rates sent the stock market up, but then the expectation that these rates would be inflationary sent the market down, until the realization that lower rates might stimulate the sluggish economy pushed the mark

"Most of what I want this year is listed on the Nasdaq."

Bull and bear checking in for work.

"Stocks can be risky, and you've got to be able to sleep at night. We'll set aside half your money for sleeping pills."

King Lear and his Accoutant

"The Internet startup had only enough cash for one more day. But, miraculously, the money lasted for eight days, until more venture capital could be raised."

"And this is where we adjust the interest rate."

"Right now I think the wisest strategy is to diversify among your mattresses."

"There, there it is again - the invisible hand of the marketplace giving us the finger."

"Now we just have to sit back and wait for the Fed to bail us out."

"Oh, what the hell, I'll add another zero."

"I'm getting subtle hints of what the Fed might do."

'Did you get any feedback on that audit report?'

'Was it Nietzsche who said, whatever doesn't kill your portfolio makes it stronger?'

"It's funny how two intelligent people can have such opposite interpretations of the tax code!"

"Someday all these anonymous accounts will belong to shell companies of which you will deny all knowledge."

"It's up to you now, Miller. The only thing that can save us is an accounting breakthrough."

"He manages a broad stock index fund."

No-one ever leaves Goldman Sachs voluntarily

'But on the bright side, I was able to find a loophole that should solve your little tax problem.'

Company man

ChairWOman of the Federal Reserve.

"Run it by legal." "Run it by accounting."

"What should you do? Here's what you should do: invent a time machine, go back sixteen months, and convert everything to cash."

'Now think, Harris, what did you do different on that day?'

'Please stop...it reminds me too much of the markets.'

"But on the positive side, money can't buy happiness, so who cares?"

'I see your investments going up but it's not clear which ones or when.'

'Half of the numbers are accurate, that's why we're auditing the remaining 56%.'

'Did you say 'buy-buy' or 'bye-bye'?'

"Oh, I'm really sorry. I just placed three million with some broker who called five minutes ago."

'And, unfortunately, accounting is reporting that 'enough' is no longer enough.'

"Will you stop saying 'ouch' every time I cut something out of your budget?"

'My advice is: Don't put all your eggs in one basket.'