Financial Management Pillows

"Remember to round each billable hour off to the nearest week."

A Day In The Kitchen

Tax Simplification

Zen And The Art Of Bankruptcy

'Our fund lost millions, but the good news is our management fees are not based on performance.'

"Being insolvent isn't all that bad...just be thankful you're not one of your creditors."

"This is Thompson, he has a black belt in budget control."

'I know my grades weren't that good, but on the plus side, I'm the only person in my dorm who hasn't maxed out a credit card.'

'Right you've got 30 minutes...start squeezing.'

"Grandpa, tell us again about pensions!"

Acme Financial Management - Risking other people's money since 1927.

'If things don't improve, we'll have to close 3 plants and lay off 50 employees or ask you to live a little more simply.'

Director of Nickel and Diming

"We have a new financial model where you don't get paid anything."

'Spare change to throw at the deficit' machine.

'The way I see it, money is like a big manure pile, it's no good unless you spread it around.'

Tipping the I.R.S.

"We must be paying too much for our mortgage - the bank just named us 'Borrowers of the Month."

Jesus really does save.

'Apparently they've determined that the economic problems of the country come down to the lack of a receipt for our home office copier.'

Broker's Report

"Damn it, name a figure, name a figure."

ACCOUNTANT-IN-RESIDENCE: "John, we're going to have to cut back on the cadmiums."

"Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it."

"Do me a favor, Harlow. When you greet me, stop saying 'Hello, big spender!'"

'Wow, is this what we owe?'

'Reinvent yourself. You write off the whole thing as a business expense!'

'Somewhere out there is a credit card company that I don't owe money to.'

Why do you need so many computers?

"I don't think it's anything serious, but, just to be sure, I'm going to bill you as if it is."

The Check in the Mail

"Great job, Johnson! The budget changed last month. We need you to redo the whole thing."

Accountants can be fun!

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

Wife and two kids to support, also ex-wife and two kids to support.