Financial Managers Gifts

Non-Profit-Organization

"Do we have a place for your portfolio's ashes?"

'Isn't there any way I can balance the budget without moonlighting?'

'The boss wants all money managers to exercise more. Get off your assets and move!'

'Now that I have your attention...'

The day the stock market went UP.

"I’ve combined all your outstanding debt into what we here in the banking business like to call a honkin’ big loan."

"This is not permanent...we'll be back as soon as things start to look up."

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

"Welcome to the bank - you'll start at the bottom."

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

"It creates the illusion of risk but you know you're perfectly safe."

Spot the difference.

'We're under capitalized. As soon as we reach the break even point we'll buy a lemon.'

Gerry, there are more accurate ways of balancing the petty cash.

Will work for ETFs

'I think I know what the problem is!'

Thanks to the financial business scientists know it for sure now - Black Holes really exist!

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

"... And to our friends in the Liberal Democratic party I award thirty pieces of silver."

A Day In The Kitchen

'Do you think we should tell anyone about this?'

'The bad news is it's all our client's money.'

'A representative from Merrill Lynch to see you.'

'We are entering an era of thrift, so in place of champagne and canapes, there will be a jumble sale.'

"Your expense account ain't what it used to be. There's not enough money on your card to cover the $5.35."

"Ahh... don't you just LOVE that new, re-organized-under-bankruptcy-protection smell?"

'The Fed decided today not to raise or lower interest rates, but instead just moved them sideways a little.'

Hedge fund sharks attacking 'The Markets' ship.

"Next time be more careful where you put the decimal point!"

"Genius is 1% inspiration, 99% budget allocation."

US Credit: 'I'm down grading your credit rating...'

Why do you need so many computers?

"Sorry, stock-market jitters."

"Hey, honey, the credit card company increased our debt... I mean our credit limit!"