Family Finance Manager Gifts

"Sorry, stock-market jitters."

'After seeing the latest fuel bills your Dad's gone nuclear!'

'Now that I have your attention...'

"I’ve combined all your outstanding debt into what we here in the banking business like to call a honkin’ big loan."

"This is not permanent...we'll be back as soon as things start to look up."

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

"Welcome to the bank - you'll start at the bottom."

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

'We're under capitalized. As soon as we reach the break even point we'll buy a lemon.'

Gerry, there are more accurate ways of balancing the petty cash.

Will work for ETFs

"Force quit! Force quit! Force quit!!"

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

Thanks to the financial business scientists know it for sure now - Black Holes really exist!

"... And to our friends in the Liberal Democratic party I award thirty pieces of silver."

'Change is inevitable, espeically when you have a newborn in diapers."

A Day In The Kitchen

'A representative from Merrill Lynch to see you.'

"Ahh... don't you just LOVE that new, re-organized-under-bankruptcy-protection smell?"

'When training my son, keep him totally ignorant. I'm grooming him to be VP in-charge-of -denials.'

"Your expense account ain't what it used to be. There's not enough money on your card to cover the $5.35."

"Next time be more careful where you put the decimal point!"

Why do you need so many computers?

Investing your savings

'Perkins, you really know to suck the joy out of a 3rd quarter report.'

"Dad, this is Wendy, she's going to re-negotiate my allowance!"

'I'm going to have to give up drinking and drugs when I leave uni - to pay off my bank loan.'

"I managed to find a healthy work-life balance, but now there's a problem with my bank balance."

'When I turned 18 something started happening to me every month. I started receiving a credit card bill.'

"Let me put on my 'working' head."

'OK. Lose weight, stop smoking, get fit, get a better job, spend more time with the kids, cut back on the booze, be better with money and buy a speed boat.'

Counting dollars

"At the end of the day Simon, money talks!"

"However, we're doing rather well, according to uninformed sources."

City Finance Dept: My Way/The Highway