Family Finance Manager Pillows

"Sorry, stock-market jitters."

'After seeing the latest fuel bills your Dad's gone nuclear!'

'Now that I have your attention...'

"I’ve combined all your outstanding debt into what we here in the banking business like to call a honkin’ big loan."

"This is not permanent...we'll be back as soon as things start to look up."

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

"Welcome to the bank - you'll start at the bottom."

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

'We're under capitalized. As soon as we reach the break even point we'll buy a lemon.'

Gerry, there are more accurate ways of balancing the petty cash.

Will work for ETFs

"Force quit! Force quit! Force quit!!"

Thanks to the financial business scientists know it for sure now - Black Holes really exist!

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

'Change is inevitable, espeically when you have a newborn in diapers."

"... And to our friends in the Liberal Democratic party I award thirty pieces of silver."

A Day In The Kitchen

'A representative from Merrill Lynch to see you.'

"Ahh... don't you just LOVE that new, re-organized-under-bankruptcy-protection smell?"

'When training my son, keep him totally ignorant. I'm grooming him to be VP in-charge-of -denials.'

"Your expense account ain't what it used to be. There's not enough money on your card to cover the $5.35."

"Next time be more careful where you put the decimal point!"

Why do you need so many computers?

Investing your savings

'Perkins, you really know to suck the joy out of a 3rd quarter report.'

'I'm going to have to give up drinking and drugs when I leave uni - to pay off my bank loan.'

"Dad, this is Wendy, she's going to re-negotiate my allowance!"

"I managed to find a healthy work-life balance, but now there's a problem with my bank balance."

'When I turned 18 something started happening to me every month. I started receiving a credit card bill.'

"Let me put on my 'working' head."

'OK. Lose weight, stop smoking, get fit, get a better job, spend more time with the kids, cut back on the booze, be better with money and buy a speed boat.'

"I don't consider a missing four million dollars to be 'monkeyshines'."

"However, we're doing rather well, according to uninformed sources."

Bank P45's - 'Cashier number 5 please.'

City Finance Dept: My Way/The Highway