College Fund Manager Gifts

Two bills for college tuition

The day the stock market went UP.

Golly, �1m a year isn't too much. I don't know why your shareholders don't understand you.

The president's men

(oil - petroleum - gushing out of inkwell)

Build Your Own Portfolio

"I'm not here to slay you. I'm here to talk to you about diversifying your investment portfolio."

Thanks to the financial business scientists know it for sure now - Black Holes really exist!

"O.K. he's a billionaire, but how much of it is in cash?"

'You know the economy's in trouble when the Forbes 400 list of wealthiest Americans only has 350 names on it.'

'If only I'd spent as much time on my investment portfolio as I did on my lolly mix when I was a kid.'

"Remember, money is only a tool - to make more money."

'Plimbco Bank &Trust, Old Money Division.'

'The bad news is it's all our client's money.'

Stock market investment advice

Flat tax - equal burden?

'well of course I'm giving your portfolio the attention it deserves, I'm even wearing a black armband!'

'This is the BEST well we've dug!!'

'We want it painted the colour of money!'

Hedge fund sharks attacking 'The Markets' ship.

We need to put more money into Lithuanian sardine futures...I think that warrants bonuses all around!

'I just love this new reality show, TRADING BANK ACCOUNTS!'

Aggressive growth fund loses money shorting gold.

'And this is my strategic money reserve.'

'Better brace yourself. It looks as though your broker's now equipping your monthly statement with crumple zones.'

'I'll be in late, Ms.Fernwood. Did I get any important margin calls, default, stock splits, foreclosures or bailouts?'

Hedge Fund: Our 'Swaps' which mimic stocks, were voted #1 derivative of the year!

wealth investment

'This app is linked to my financial advisor and provides simulated hand holding when the market is down.'

"When I said that if only poor people worked a little harder they might get some money, I didn't mean my money."

A smiling man leaning on large piggy bank.

Cigars for the Upcoming Bear Market

"Nothing serious - just some twenties stuck in your crankshaft."

'Our fund lost millions, but the good news is our management fees are not based on performance.'

"Your portfolio is too conservative."