Fund Management Mugs

Mismanagement Consultant.

'I'm sorry, Collin, but our Dreyfus Mid-Cap fund completely tanked, so we're going to have to let you go.'

'Now that I have your attention...'

The day the stock market went UP.

Golly, �1m a year isn't too much. I don't know why your shareholders don't understand you.

"I’ve combined all your outstanding debt into what we here in the banking business like to call a honkin’ big loan."

"This is not permanent...we'll be back as soon as things start to look up."

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

"Welcome to the bank - you'll start at the bottom."

Profit

Great Chinese Dynasties

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

A fight in the Boardroom.

"It creates the illusion of risk but you know you're perfectly safe."

'The prevailing wisdom is that markets are always right. I think that luck is always right.'

Build Your Own Portfolio

'We're under capitalized. As soon as we reach the break even point we'll buy a lemon.'

'Me, I don't spend my pocket money: I hoard it...'

'He's so rich, when he writes a cheque the bank bounces.'

"Some day, son, all this will be your ex-wife's."

Gerry, there are more accurate ways of balancing the petty cash.

"If I made as much as him, I could retire in a couple of days"

Watering Money

Will work for ETFs

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

Thanks to the financial business scientists know it for sure now - Black Holes really exist!

"O.K. he's a billionaire, but how much of it is in cash?"

'I think I know what the problem is!'

"... And to our friends in the Liberal Democratic party I award thirty pieces of silver."

'Plimbco Bank &Trust, Old Money Division.'

"Remember, money is only a tool - to make more money."

'It's okay. We'll just push our retirement plan back a bit.'

A Day In The Kitchen

'Do you think we should tell anyone about this?'

'The bad news is it's all our client's money.'