Fund Managers Mugs

"Hear no evil...See no evil...Just evil."

The day the stock market went UP.

Golly, �1m a year isn't too much. I don't know why your shareholders don't understand you.

"I’ve combined all your outstanding debt into what we here in the banking business like to call a honkin’ big loan."

"This is not permanent...we'll be back as soon as things start to look up."

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

"Welcome to the bank - you'll start at the bottom."

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

The president's men

"It creates the illusion of risk but you know you're perfectly safe."

(oil - petroleum - gushing out of inkwell)

Build Your Own Portfolio

'We're under capitalized. As soon as we reach the break even point we'll buy a lemon.'

Gerry, there are more accurate ways of balancing the petty cash.

Investments - remember, you are what you invest in!

'Greek debt was downgraded for the 11th time this week, by S&P, to P.O.S. Negative Infinity, meaning it's safer to eat uranium, than own Greek debt.'

"O.K. he's a billionaire, but how much of it is in cash?"

Thanks to the financial business scientists know it for sure now - Black Holes really exist!

"Remember, money is only a tool - to make more money."

"... And to our friends in the Liberal Democratic party I award thirty pieces of silver."

Investments - Founders Bear and Bull.

'Plimbco Bank &Trust, Old Money Division.'

'If only I'd spent as much time on my investment portfolio as I did on my lolly mix when I was a kid.'

A Day In The Kitchen

"Until we get a bigger chart, we're estimating it's now about up to here."

'Do you think we should tell anyone about this?'

'The bad news is it's all our client's money.'

'A representative from Merrill Lynch to see you.'

Stock market investment advice

Flat tax - equal burden?

'well of course I'm giving your portfolio the attention it deserves, I'm even wearing a black armband!'

'This is the BEST well we've dug!!'

'Stocks were up on news that no performance enhancing drugs were used to achieve today's highs. . .'

'We want it painted the colour of money!'