Fun With Kingdoms Gifts

"Your idea of ankle monitors for the entire kingdom is not polling well, sire!"

'Don't look at me like that! You're the one who wanted to live in a bouncy castle!'

'The Burrito King.'

'This vacation, let's go on something OTHER than a power trip.'

"Messenger, dost thou bring me good news or dost thou bring me bad news?"

"With all due respect, Sire, the Pizza King sends his kindest regards."

"So, I've heard you call yourself 'King of the Jungle'! Based on what criteria exactly?"

'Frankincense, dummy! I asked for frankincense!'

'He followed me home, Dad -- can I oppress him?'

Medieval headlines.

I read on Candorville.com that was rank 29,705th in the world when it comes to attention spans. What? Aren't there only 196 countries? The article didn't just include human countries. It included the various animal kingdoms and the plant republics. Did you know that Americans have an eight-second attention span ... but the goldfish who live in little Lionel Brown's aquarium kingdom at 1492 MLK Way in Candorville have a nine-second attention span? Are you sure you weren't reading a humor column?

'I like zebras. They have great taste, and wonderful personalities too.'

"What good is power if you don't use it?"

"Hey, you two, get a barn!"

"Hello, police? I appear to have killed my husband with chapters 24 of 50 Shades of Grey..."

Dale regretted going to the Vegan restaurant.

"Drop it... Such things banished in our kingdom."

"Oh, you don't need to fight them—you just need to convince the pitchfork people that the torch people want to take away their pitchforks."

"Your Majesty, this learned committee has done deep research on the subject, and we have come to one conclusion: queens often marry down."

"The clerk will call the roll."

"How many times must I tell you to chew your food?"

'I should try the polyclinic, sir.'

'Time gentlemen please. Come on, don't you have any kingdoms to go to? ! '

Fish king swimming around his bowl!

Although Tall Enough to Play Basketball, Had There Been such a Thing, the Emperor Charlemagne Was the Son of King Pepin the Short

"They're fake plastic vampire fangs from a dress-up shop, but boy do they make the wolves turn around and leave me alone..."

'It's not a crusade, you sillies! - I just want to maintain a PRESENCE in the Middle East.'

"Hey, Tarzan – no need to yell."

"You're all invited to my birthday party, and yes, there will be plenty of water games!"

"I hereby declare this planet for Oxymaxian territory"

'Kings can get away with anything!'

'Yes, I'm afraid he's going to need braces...'

'Yes, this is us speaking.'

"I shouldn't have replaced the alligators with bass."

'It's not often you see an eskimo dog in the burbs!'