Kingdoms Gifts

Fish king swimming around his bowl!

Although Tall Enough to Play Basketball, Had There Been such a Thing, the Emperor Charlemagne Was the Son of King Pepin the Short

"Drop it... Such things banished in our kingdom."

'Don't be silly- of course you're going into the family business!'

"The peasants are revolting Sire."

'This vacation, let's go on something OTHER than a power trip.'

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Dead Cat Crown Jewels

'You've made a powerful enemy'

'The Burrito King.'

TV jester.

"Surprise!"

"Where the hell's my Slinky?"

'You can come down a peg. Mesopotamia gave the world bureaucracy, you know.'

"With all due respect, Sire, the Pizza King sends his kindest regards."

"Messenger, dost thou bring me good news or dost thou bring me bad news?"

British Prime Minister

"'Conquer Spain'? 'Balance the budget'? 'Reform the justice system'? -- You call this a honey-do list?"

'Don't bother Daddy -- He fell in the moat again.'

It started friendly enough...'I'm Henry VIII, my dear, but you may call me 'Hank'.'

'Frankincense, dummy! I asked for frankincense!'

The Unhappy King

'Good news from the field, sire! Attila did not like the referee's call, so he's folding up his tents, taking his ball and going home!'

'Not gruel, stupid! -- I said find the GRAIL!'

'Make him laugh, make him cry.'

'He followed me home, Dad -- can I oppress him?'

The Royal Wii

'I cut myself slashing the budget!'

Everybody forgot his jubilee.

'Could you scoot your chair over this way a little dear?'

'Between you and me Wizard, is it true that you intellectuals have pointed heads?'

'You might want to try another photographer, Sire. This one tends to cut the heads off.'

A war would have been bad enough, but losing Alsace-Lorraine in a poker game?

The Royal Wii.

'You can scratch your back when the war is over!'

(Mother Goose: playboy's Mirthful Master of the Macabre serves Up Some Strange Twists On a Clutch of Children's Classics.) "Is this supposed to be somebody's idea of a joke?"