Kings Gifts

King James I

"The peasants are revolting Sire."

'Some other king called while you were out -- he said it was important.'

I guess Grandpa was once a wise king, too. He always says he does his best thinking on the throne.

'You've made a powerful enemy'

"Yes, this is my majesty!"

'Don't be silly- of course you're going into the family business!'

"Surprise!"

TV-Man

TV jester.

"'Conquer Spain'? 'Balance the budget'? 'Reform the justice system'? -- You call this a honey-do list?"

Admit it. We have a drinking problem.

"Where the hell's my Slinky?"

"The end of my favorite series is near."

'Don't bother Daddy -- He fell in the moat again.'

The Unhappy King

'Hey, Bob, can you get this itch on my chin? It's driving me nuts.'

'Not gruel, stupid! -- I said find the GRAIL!'

'Good news from the field, sire! Attila did not like the referee's call, so he's folding up his tents, taking his ball and going home!'

The Work-from-Home-Polka

'Make him laugh, make him cry.'

The Royal Wii

'I cut myself slashing the budget!'

Everybody forgot his jubilee.

'Could you scoot your chair over this way a little dear?'

'The best gig I can get you for your comeback, Lazarus, is DJ in the graveyard slot.'

(Mother Goose: playboy's Mirthful Master of the Macabre serves Up Some Strange Twists On a Clutch of Children's Classics.) "Is this supposed to be somebody's idea of a joke?"

'Between you and me Wizard, is it true that you intellectuals have pointed heads?'

City centre pub.

'You can scratch your back when the war is over!'

The Royal Wii.

'You might want to try another photographer, Sire. This one tends to cut the heads off.'

A war would have been bad enough, but losing Alsace-Lorraine in a poker game?

"Enemies, yes, but doesn't your moat also keep out love?"

"The peasants have lost all respect for the moat."