Kings Pillows

King James I

"The peasants are revolting Sire."

'Some other king called while you were out -- he said it was important.'

I guess Grandpa was once a wise king, too. He always says he does his best thinking on the throne.

'You've made a powerful enemy'

"Yes, this is my majesty!"

'Don't be silly- of course you're going into the family business!'

TV-Man

"Surprise!"

TV jester.

Admit it. We have a drinking problem.

"'Conquer Spain'? 'Balance the budget'? 'Reform the justice system'? -- You call this a honey-do list?"

"The end of my favorite series is near."

'Don't bother Daddy -- He fell in the moat again.'

The Unhappy King

'Hey, Bob, can you get this itch on my chin? It's driving me nuts.'

'Not gruel, stupid! -- I said find the GRAIL!'

'Good news from the field, sire! Attila did not like the referee's call, so he's folding up his tents, taking his ball and going home!'

The Royal Wii

The Work-from-Home-Polka

'Make him laugh, make him cry.'

'I cut myself slashing the budget!'

Everybody forgot his jubilee.

City centre pub.

'You can scratch your back when the war is over!'

A war would have been bad enough, but losing Alsace-Lorraine in a poker game?

'Between you and me Wizard, is it true that you intellectuals have pointed heads?'

'Could you scoot your chair over this way a little dear?'

'The best gig I can get you for your comeback, Lazarus, is DJ in the graveyard slot.'

'You might want to try another photographer, Sire. This one tends to cut the heads off.'

(Mother Goose: playboy's Mirthful Master of the Macabre serves Up Some Strange Twists On a Clutch of Children's Classics.) "Is this supposed to be somebody's idea of a joke?"

"Enemies, yes, but doesn't your moat also keep out love?"

"The peasants have lost all respect for the moat."

'I know it seems like a war, but it's actually an all-out struggle for peace!'

"If I had it all to do over again, I would have liked to be the King of Swing."