Fruit Detective Gifts

"This banana I bought yesterday, when I peeled it it was empty!"

"Kate! Is this or is this not my ex?"

"Chocolate? I can't be allergic to chocolate! I'm a kid, can't you say I'm allergic to spinach or broccoli?"

"Where do we put Desserts?"

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

"Well, son. . . here your dad makes the famous 'fresh from nature' food!"

'Six different chefs in six months and they still can't make a decent broth!'

"It's been redacted to produce our sauces."

"Mother! How? Wait — where’s Dad?!"

'True it does have small flowers but through the microscope its exquisite.'

I'm getting an ample full taste... I'm getting whimsical... I'm getting 'red'

The Huge-Underground Vat theory of why all wonton soup tastes exactly the same.

'Remove the fur and claws and these genetically engineered apples taste just fine.'

'Are you the guy who put gluten in the bread?'

"And that's where hot dogs come from."

Getting Rid of the Cure

'Another sad case of an over dose on uncut sugar cereal.'

'Turn right at the Robinia pseudoacacia, pass the garden with the salvia officinalis, cross the road when you see the stranvaesia davidinia and the pub is on the left!'

The Last Days of a Hydrangea

"There's a house-plant round here somewhere."

'Here ya' go, sweetie. Our Key Lime Pie.'

"Do you have anything with FOOD in it?"

Rat Hair: Peanut Butter Ingredient.

Johnny Appleseed's Dirty Little Secret

"What do you have that justifies its calories?"

'First Lady Lettuce goes missing...'

'You hate to see this kind of thing.'

"I love the way next door never tidy their garden - it's the perfect source of blackberries for our apple crumble."

"Why have you brought me here?"

"Remind me - superfood or carcinogen?"

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

'Ha! I knew they were just little trees!'

"Phew! You're ripe! What's that brown spot?"

'Heaven welcomes botanists, we've millions of extinct plants that need classifying!'

'Do you have any oranges?'