Frugality Fanatics Gifts

'Hand me your issue of esquire. I have a hot date.'

Thrift: have your arms and legs amputated, use a pillow for a bed!

'What do you do with the time you save?'

"We were able to retire 6 years early by canceling cable & eliminating anything fun."

So I'm "cheap." It's a perfectly good word. And it aptly describes my interest in conserving resources. I suppose we could call you "thrifty." Heavens no! And waste two whole letters? I see we've only wasted one whole tea bag.

My 5-year-old nephew cut his hair! His mom was so upset until she thought: 'Wait a minute! I just saved 12 bucks!'

When Tia Carmen says... "I got it for a very good price!" it means...she stopped at a garage sale on the way home.

Clancy Strip: Money and Beer

Welcome all to the monthly gathering of Tightwads United. Hi there. Hello. Hey. On tonight's agenda: Dumpster diving, coupon clipping, and a special lecture. How to carpool while always getting the other person to drive. I'm like a god. Woohoo!! Yeah!!! Clap clap clap clap clap clap clap. Tightwads United.

'Dave will only turn the heating on when he thinks it's absolutely necessary.'

'The sick economy isn't why J.B.has cut back on spending. He always was a tightwad.'

'Withdrawal symptoms.'

"Years of penny-pinching really paid off. The price of copper just went up again."

"I always say; 'You don't need to spend a lot of money to have a good time on a first date."

"Why pay for a tree in November when you can get one off the side of the road in January for free?"

"He can afford a bigger cage. His old tax forms line the bottom."

"That's too big a pill for me to swallow, Harold!"

"Okay, what's your next, more expensive security system?"

Pandora's box.

'Gentlemen, it's time we tightened our belts.'

'Yes, Bob, Allan's wife did let him buy tickets to the big game, but then Allan didn't spend all his allowance on nachos and beer, now, did he?'

How to do without

"Do you have this in an $11.99?"

How to save on your heating bill...

"Why can't you just buy some modern LED lights?"

"He's given up trying to find anything else he can cut to reach 40% savings."

'You must know my kids...they spend like there's no tomorrow.'

"Do you have a dollar menu?"

"There's no getting away from the numbers....only by forgetting holidays, giving up drink, the cinema, meals out and socialising...will we be able to afford any quality of life when we retire."

'Generally, cost-cutting is a good thing. Specifically, too much of a good thing.'

Today, it's chic to be cheap.

"Armstrong, you're the cheapest cheapskate on earth." "Not yet, but a man can dream." "This toothache is killing me but I have no money and no insurance. Do you know where I can find a really cheap dentist?" "Of course. I can give you my guy's name. He works for peanuts." "I’ll get a pen." "You’ll also need a passport and lots of penicillin."

"He was right about saving that box. It did come in handy."

"I wanted to give Christmas bonuses but that would violate the separation of church and business."

"It's cheaper to buy soap in chunks instead of bars. Just chip off what you need."