Frugality Fan Gifts

Bottled water. Free sample.

Director of Nickel and Diming

"Your people will remember you for the money you saved them by not building a pyramid."

"Years of penny-pinching really paid off. The price of copper just went up again."

'Our investment strategy? We reuse plastic forks.'

Ed was saving a fortune on insect spray now he had discovered that flies have no natural immunity to being whacked with a rolled up newspaper.

Scrooge and his piggy bank

Pet Pork Projects.

"Quickly honey, gas up before the price rises again."

"Why can't we have a proper stairlift?"

'I've certainly had to watch my finances. That cardboard box I've had my eye on will have to wait.'

Living within our means -brought to you by the Bank of China.

"They've used a first class stamp!... Do we know any lottery jackpot winners?"

"That's too big a pill for me to swallow, Harold!"

"He can afford a bigger cage. His old tax forms line the bottom."

"And remember, if you can't pronounce it, I can't afford it!"

'I'm on a fixed income. The only time I go to a fast food restaurant is if I'm low on salt, sugar and condiments.'

Today, it's chic to be cheap.

"Plus the standard Greedy B****rd's rip off charge of 5%."

'Chapter one. Don't waste your money. Don't buy useless crap like this stupid book'.

Cheap Dentistry

'I asked my doc for a diet plan and it works great - thanks to his usurious bills, I can't afford a car or taxis and that's why I'm losing weight by walking!'

"Do you have a dollar menu?"

'It's a bill for the firewood. Dang, we're still living beyond our means.'

King with patch in cloak.

Fuel: RegularPremiumCrude.

'Why is there so much month left at the end of the money?'

Thrift: Fat people, wear a dress and a wig and enjoy the benefits of being pregnant.

'That's the stamps panic bought, what should we panic buy next.'

'The sick economy isn't why J.B.has cut back on spending. He always was a tightwad.'

An unpopular woman in a bakery shop.

Ghost of Christmas Past, I'm proud of my frugality. So get lost. One more thing to show you. You remember when you were a boy and lent lunch money to a classmate at 25 percent interest? This is what happened to that classmate. It's just a picture of Dennis Kucinich. I created a Socialist? There's more. Cue up the photo of AOC,

Your Tightwad Club is insulting to the indigent. Your gleeful frugality insults those who are truly in need. I'm sorry. Do any of these indigents need money? I would happily buy their gold at a discount. Cheapskate! I shall turn your wind to power.

You belong to a tightwad club? Our time has come. For years we met in private, shunned by society. Thanks to the economy, we're hip. We can celebrate our frugality in front of the whole world! Bad time to ask for a raise. I am chinchy, hear me roar!

I'm out of ideas. I'm tapped out. Of what? I can't think of any ways to squeeze more money out of customers. I've lost my cheapskate muse! Return to me, creative Goddess of Frugality! This is just beyond weird.