Frugality Aficionado Gifts

'Withdrawal symptoms.'

I've got to make an offering to the cheapskate muse. What's that got to do with me? You understand women. What could I do to bring back my goddess of inspiration? That's nice. What's nice? Goddess of inspiration. You mind if I use that line on this hottie I met when I was trolling for broads at the bus station? This is not helping! No, it is. Don't sell yourself short. HOJ.

Infuriating. What? The airlines are starting to charge for coffee, tea, water, even pillows and blankets. This upsets you? They are so cheap. So amazingly frugal. Charging for water - in a captive airplane! They're making me look terrible. We must raise our bar. Comprehension.

Economy clothing shop with barrels in the window

Thrift: Sew your mouth shut before going to a restaurant.

Never pay for a drink again with all new Poaching Straw.

'What do you do with the time you save?'

"We were able to retire 6 years early by canceling cable & eliminating anything fun."

Thrift: have your arms and legs amputated, use a pillow for a bed!

When Tia Carmen says... "I got it for a very good price!" it means...she stopped at a garage sale on the way home.

My 5-year-old nephew cut his hair! His mom was so upset until she thought: 'Wait a minute! I just saved 12 bucks!'

Clancy Strip: Money and Beer

"Could I have a bottle of the Chateau Lafitte '67 but filled with the wine from Tesco 2019."

'Dave will only turn the heating on when he thinks it's absolutely necessary.'

Welcome all to the monthly gathering of Tightwads United. Hi there. Hello. Hey. On tonight's agenda: Dumpster diving, coupon clipping, and a special lecture. How to carpool while always getting the other person to drive. I'm like a god. Woohoo!! Yeah!!! Clap clap clap clap clap clap clap. Tightwads United.

'The sick economy isn't why J.B.has cut back on spending. He always was a tightwad.'

'He left me McDonald's coupon's for a tip.'

"Years of penny-pinching really paid off. The price of copper just went up again."

"What do you mean 'upgrade' the server? The old one works just fine."

"Okay, what's your next, more expensive security system?"

"I always say; 'You don't need to spend a lot of money to have a good time on a first date."

"That's too big a pill for me to swallow, Harold!"

Pandora's box.

"He can afford a bigger cage. His old tax forms line the bottom."

"Why pay for a tree in November when you can get one off the side of the road in January for free?"

'Gentlemen, it's time we tightened our belts.'

'You must know my kids...they spend like there's no tomorrow.'

'Yes, Bob, Allan's wife did let him buy tickets to the big game, but then Allan didn't spend all his allowance on nachos and beer, now, did he?'

"Why can't you just buy some modern LED lights?"

How to do without

"He's given up trying to find anything else he can cut to reach 40% savings."

"Do you have a dollar menu?"

"Do you have this in an $11.99?"

'Well, you're bankrupt, but look on the bright side -- it only cost you eight dollars per transaction!'

Right now my brother Al is paying a psychiatrist a hundred bucks an hour to hear his troubles, while I'm drinking beer and telling you mine at happy hour prices. Obviously, Al IS the crazy one.