Frugal Enthusiasts Gifts

'We are spending entirely too much on bills.'

'What do you do with the time you save?'

"We were able to retire 6 years early by canceling cable & eliminating anything fun."

Thrift: have your arms and legs amputated, use a pillow for a bed!

My 5-year-old nephew cut his hair! His mom was so upset until she thought: 'Wait a minute! I just saved 12 bucks!'

When Tia Carmen says... "I got it for a very good price!" it means...she stopped at a garage sale on the way home.

Clancy Strip: Money and Beer

"Could I have a bottle of the Chateau Lafitte '67 but filled with the wine from Tesco 2019."

'Dave will only turn the heating on when he thinks it's absolutely necessary.'

"It's made from all our old leftovers. I call it 'Rescue Casserole.'"

Welcome all to the monthly gathering of Tightwads United. Hi there. Hello. Hey. On tonight's agenda: Dumpster diving, coupon clipping, and a special lecture. How to carpool while always getting the other person to drive. I'm like a god. Woohoo!! Yeah!!! Clap clap clap clap clap clap clap. Tightwads United.

'Withdrawal symptoms.'

'He left me McDonald's coupon's for a tip.'

Pandora's box.

"I always say; 'You don't need to spend a lot of money to have a good time on a first date."

"Okay, what's your next, more expensive security system?"

"Why pay for a tree in November when you can get one off the side of the road in January for free?"

'Gentlemen, it's time we tightened our belts.'

"He's given up trying to find anything else he can cut to reach 40% savings."

"Do you have this in an $11.99?"

How to save on your heating bill...

'You must know my kids...they spend like there's no tomorrow.'

'Yes, Bob, Allan's wife did let him buy tickets to the big game, but then Allan didn't spend all his allowance on nachos and beer, now, did he?'

"There's no getting away from the numbers....only by forgetting holidays, giving up drink, the cinema, meals out and socialising...will we be able to afford any quality of life when we retire."

"Why can't you just buy some modern LED lights?"

How to do without

"For someone your age, the yearly premium on a $5,000 policy is $8,000."

'Generally, cost-cutting is a good thing. Specifically, too much of a good thing.'

'Stan, you can still pick up that food! Due to the economy, the five second rule had been modified to eight seconds.'

'Remember, Henderson - A penny saved is a departmental oversight.'

"Armstrong, you're the cheapest cheapskate on earth." "Not yet, but a man can dream." "This toothache is killing me but I have no money and no insurance. Do you know where I can find a really cheap dentist?" "Of course. I can give you my guy's name. He works for peanuts." "I’ll get a pen." "You’ll also need a passport and lots of penicillin."

'We've all had to cut costs a smidge.'

"He was right about saving that box. It did come in handy."

'He arranged it himself. Let's face it he really was the skinflint's skinflint...'

"I wanted to give Christmas bonuses but that would violate the separation of church and business."