Frugal Phenom Gifts

"Malcolm refuses to pay the extortionate fees for school photographs."

'What do you do with the time you save?'

When Tia Carmen says... "I got it for a very good price!" it means...she stopped at a garage sale on the way home.

My 5-year-old nephew cut his hair! His mom was so upset until she thought: 'Wait a minute! I just saved 12 bucks!'

Clancy Strip: Money and Beer

'Phone for help? Are you mad? Have you any idea how much it costs to use a mobile abroad?'

"I can't believe I'm paying $5,000 a month for you to stream Intro to Psychology when I get all of TV for $15.99."

'The sick economy isn't why J.B.has cut back on spending. He always was a tightwad.'

'Dave will only turn the heating on when he thinks it's absolutely necessary.'

"To keep warm in winter you're looking at a new central heating system costing £20,000."

Take pity on me. I can't give much this year. What is this heresy, son? I didn't get a raise this year, got furloughed this summer, am behind on my cable bill, can't afford proper dates. But it's the holidays. Think of the needy. Pierre in flat-panels has a new baby. Sandy, the mobile device manager, toils so hard for your business. And don't forget Apple. It's got to make its quarter. Computer Villa. Customer service. I shouldn't just think of myself. That's better. I'd like to upgrade all my d

Welcome all to the monthly gathering of Tightwads United. Hi there. Hello. Hey. On tonight's agenda: Dumpster diving, coupon clipping, and a special lecture. How to carpool while always getting the other person to drive. I'm like a god. Woohoo!! Yeah!!! Clap clap clap clap clap clap clap. Tightwads United.

"Congratulations. Please remember the college's financial plight. Congratulations. Please remember the college's financial plight. Congratulations. Please remember . . ."

'Withdrawal symptoms.'

"Years of penny-pinching really paid off. The price of copper just went up again."

"He can afford a bigger cage. His old tax forms line the bottom."

"Sure, you can buy them another round, but is this really how you want to spend your MacArthur Grant?"

"Okay, what's your next, more expensive security system?"

"That's too big a pill for me to swallow, Harold!"

"Is that neat whisky?"

"I always say; 'You don't need to spend a lot of money to have a good time on a first date."

'Gentlemen, it's time we tightened our belts.'

"I know we have to cut costs, but is bringing only one of each a good idea?"

"Do you have this in an $11.99?"

'Yes, Bob, Allan's wife did let him buy tickets to the big game, but then Allan didn't spend all his allowance on nachos and beer, now, did he?'

How to do without

'You must know my kids...they spend like there's no tomorrow.'

'Well, you're bankrupt, but look on the bright side -- it only cost you eight dollars per transaction!'

Right now my brother Al is paying a psychiatrist a hundred bucks an hour to hear his troubles, while I'm drinking beer and telling you mine at happy hour prices. Obviously, Al IS the crazy one.

"Do you have a dollar menu?"

'Most of the dental floss gets thrown out on used. No wonder I'm always broke.'

"This is your great, great uncle Orlando. He was a great mathematician, but a little cheap. He always picked up the check at restaurants...but only to make sure the math was right."

"I know one secret! Not spending $30 on a book filled with common sense!"

'I wish you'd put the heater back on Frank! Even the wall ducks have gone somewhere warmer!'

"Fuel poverty is not the same as being too mean to switch the heating on...."