Frugal Philosopher Gifts

Very sad piggy bank

"Diversification doesn't mean hiding the money under the mattress, the sofa and 2 chairs!"

"i used to bite my fingernails but now I eat them."

"Of course money talks. It said goodbye to me!"

'Sure, I've profited from my mistakes, but it was all eaten up by taxes!'

"I want to tell her I love her and let her know I'm careful with money."

"Why would I want an ocean-going yacht when I've got a rocking chair in my front porch?"

"Why are you typing your own letters?"

'I bought this useless and overexpensive crap to remind me never to waste money for useless and overexpensive crap.'

'One is for me, and one is for my 401 (k).'

Thrift: Divorce and remarry smaller.

When they said more people were choosing to holiday at home I think they meant in the UK

"I don't believe you're a minimalist I think you're just mean."

'I burden you with the deficit, you burden your kids with it, and so on...'

'I'm not paying $200 per hour for therapy, so you must be the one who's nuts.'

'Well, I'll tell you one thing. He's retaining more than water. He hasn't given me a dime since Christmas!'

"All things considered, I think our marriage has been cost-effective."

'I told him I couldn't keep him any longer and he lectured me on how to run my financial affairs!'

'Uncle, we need to up our prices, sand is getting scarce.'

"I resent having to pay for my parents 'baby boomer' pensions, pensions that I'll never be able to afford."

'We can't offer you a golden parachute. how about one made out of recycled cardboard?'

Man won't leave his house due to gas prices.

'Well, you're bankrupt, but look on the bright side -- it only cost you eight dollars per transaction!'

I've got to make an offering to the cheapskate muse. What's that got to do with me? You understand women. What could I do to bring back my goddess of inspiration? That's nice. What's nice? Goddess of inspiration. You mind if I use that line on this hottie I met when I was trolling for broads at the bus station? This is not helping! No, it is. Don't sell yourself short.

Right now my brother Al is paying a psychiatrist a hundred bucks an hour to hear his troubles, while I'm drinking beer and telling you mine at happy hour prices. Obviously, Al IS the crazy one.

People Should Have the Self-Discipline to Resist a Billion-Dollar Marketing Industry Through Sheer Force of Will

"How come we never go out anymore and spend money we don't have?"

"We were able to retire 6 years early by canceling cable & eliminating anything fun."

"Ten Dollars?! I can't eat that." Bob was on a strict low-cost diet.

Thrift: New way to eat eggs (avoid needless transport costs).

'If by 'great', you mean 'terrible', then yes, we have plenty of great beers for under $4.00 a six-pack.'

'That's what I thought, finances are tight: She's switched to no-name cat food...'

Thrift: have your arms and legs amputated, use a pillow for a bed!

"In the current market, it's just more practical."

My 5-year-old nephew cut his hair! His mom was so upset until she thought: 'Wait a minute! I just saved 12 bucks!'