Frugal Funerals Fan Gifts

'Have you considered cremation as a cheaper alternative?'

He looks so natural lying there...

'He loved that dog.'

"We are gathered here to morn the passing of Bob Opossum."

When Tia Carmen says... "I got it for a very good price!" it means...she stopped at a garage sale on the way home.

"Promise me that if I die first you won't eat me."

'Yes, death signifies a cosmic change of address. Alas, your husband's mail will not be forwarded.'

Two scottish gentleman debating over having Welsh rabbit

'He's a conspiracy theorist - he refuses to believe that Great Aunt Mildred is really dead.'

"He intends to die with dignity, he desires a modest funeral, and he's determined to prevent the buzzards from getting any part of the estate."

'He always said he wouldn't be seen dead with his shirt outside his trousers - he'll be livid.'

"Right before I die I'm going to swallow a bag of popcorn kernels."

"Could you spare a few minutes to give some feedback on your death experience?"

"You must forgive me, I seem to have misplaced my spectacles... Does the best man have the ring?"

A dead business executive is lowered into the grave with his desk

Dead Man's Handel

"Dearly beloved - We gather today to honor the life of the greatest magician of our time."

"We need to talk about your driving. Some of your passengers have been complaining."

A signaller directing pallbearers

'Yes, Bob, Allan's wife did let him buy tickets to the big game, but then Allan didn't spend all his allowance on nachos and beer, now, did he?'

"I know I agreed to hold a funeral for Wendy's goldfish...but did she have to ask Reverend Clark to officiate?"

Undertaker's Flower Box.

"As always he found a way to duck out of working overtime!"

'He was a shooting star, passing through the firmament. Lighting up our dull lives with his all too brief presence.' 'I think we're at the wrong funeral.'

Priest gives the last rites to an expired metre.

At the funeral of the amazing Voltar.

'I tend to bury stuff.'

"You fool! This isn't embalming fluid, this is my coffee."

“Sorry, we don’t accept the living dead.”

"His last wish was that we delete his browsing history."

"Is it me, or does the old man still look angry at us for denting his Cadillac?"

"I think Republicans and Democrats alike can agree that Frank Shustermann is dead."