Frugal Fighters Gifts

'The scariest story I know is escalating health care costs.'

You're getting cheaper, Armstrong. I'm getting more efficient. It's the American way. Businesses have to keep growing profits to satisfy their investors. The innovative entrepreneur finds ways to grow sales while constantly cutting costs. By giving customers used straws. They're broken in.

"We were able to retire 6 years early by canceling cable & eliminating anything fun."

My 5-year-old nephew cut his hair! His mom was so upset until she thought: 'Wait a minute! I just saved 12 bucks!'

When Tia Carmen says... "I got it for a very good price!" it means...she stopped at a garage sale on the way home.

"If your luggage is in your clothes it doesn't count!"

Clancy Strip: Money and Beer

"Prices may keep going up, up, up, but my love for you will remain positively, and forever, as is."

Hypocrisy about poverty

"It was rated on all the travel websites. 'Best economy tour'."

Big finger print trying to forge a cheque but he can't.

"We do not usually acknowledge unsolicited manuscripts, but we want you to know that we tore yours into tiny pieces. Yours sincerely, The Op-Ed Page."

"Now THAT's what I call a budget airline!"

"It's only until the gas prices go down and I can afford to drive the car again. Maybe you should have an ambulance follow me."

'Don't come too close - this baby will tear you to pieces, bite your head off and drink your blood... I've called him 'Fiscal Policy'.'

Welcome all to the monthly gathering of Tightwads United. Hi there. Hello. Hey. On tonight's agenda: Dumpster diving, coupon clipping, and a special lecture. How to carpool while always getting the other person to drive. I'm like a god. Woohoo!! Yeah!!! Clap clap clap clap clap clap clap. Tightwads United.

Take pity on me. I can't give much this year. What is this heresy, son? I didn't get a raise this year, got furloughed this summer, am behind on my cable bill, can't afford proper dates. But it's the holidays. Think of the needy. Pierre in flat-panels has a new baby. Sandy, the mobile device manager, toils so hard for your business. And don't forget Apple. It's got to make its quarter. Computer Villa. Customer service. I shouldn't just think of myself. That's better. I'd like to upgrade all my d

'You realize, of course, that that's the fifth 25 stake we've now sold in our entertainment division.'

"Once again, how little did you pay for this room?"

'But sinister gales - with that armour?'

"I always say; 'You don't need to spend a lot of money to have a good time on a first date."

"How come politicians don't earn mimimum wage. If anybody does minimum work, it's them."

Pandora's box.

Stress on GPs

'Gentlemen, it's time we tightened our belts.'

Bernard Madoff's House Arrest.

"Do you have this in an $11.99?"

How to do without

'Yes, Bob, Allan's wife did let him buy tickets to the big game, but then Allan didn't spend all his allowance on nachos and beer, now, did he?'

Man with Sword in Penholder

'Generally, cost-cutting is a good thing. Specifically, too much of a good thing.'

"As your cell bitch, I imagine my Sarbanes-Oxley expertise should come in quite handy."

'I may be 40 years old, but I have the student debt of a 20 year old.'

"He was right about saving that box. It did come in handy."

Fraud Squad