Fraud Fighters Gifts

"As your cell bitch, I imagine my Sarbanes-Oxley expertise should come in quite handy."

Nelson Mandela in despair over the crime rates in SA.

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

'What's wrong with our new shed? Nothing - I'm sat out here guarding it.'

"This statement from your headmaster says that you can easily get a good degree...your bank manager says you can't."

'Well, you got the dog to protect you against criminals. Perhaps now you'll have to hire a criminal to protect you from the dog.'

'What's wrong with those Europeans? We have more murders in this city than England, France Germany and Spain combined.'

"That's not a knife crime initiative. That's a knife crime initiative!"

'The scariest story I know is escalating health care costs.'

Violent Crime Statistics

'I'm afraid we're going to have to let you go, Richter. The crime rate has dropped.'

"Prices may keep going up, up, up, but my love for you will remain positively, and forever, as is."

Big finger print trying to forge a cheque but he can't.

'I can't believe an Alligator stole my identity... I mean, it's quite obvious I'm a Crocodile!'

"When I grow up I'm going to be a police officer and follow in my dad's footsteps."

'Don't come too close - this baby will tear you to pieces, bite your head off and drink your blood... I've called him 'Fiscal Policy'.'

'You realize, of course, that that's the fifth 25 stake we've now sold in our entertainment division.'

'We want more police on our streets!' 'WHAT?! Do you have any idea how dangerous it is out there?'

"Brutus! Attack with reasonable force!"

Illustration on the problem of money that is given to charities ending up in the hands of governments.

'Oh no! They've been pinched.'

"You want to withdraw your money? There's a fee for that."

"We can't put you in a Witness-Protection Program unless you actually witnessed something."

With his mothers persuasion, Joe decided to 'come clean' to the police!

"Yes, we're a letterbox company. How can I help you?"

Stress on GPs

Bernard Madoff's House Arrest.

The Manipulation of Justice

"As your attorney, Roger, I feel it's my duty to charge you an enormous amount of money."

"I think it's just human nature to set up a private special purpose business entity to conceal balance sheet transaction in order to maximize an earnings forecast."

'Ugh. Every single day.'

"While we do appreciate your diligence... It's not the store's policy to shoot shoplifters!"

'It's the paperwork you need to fill out to show that we're focussing on patients needs.'