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The Upchuck Wagon

"What did you say about the health of my gut biome?"

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

'Enjoy your meal! We grow everything ourselves!'

"You don't throw them back if they're too small!"

La Table

"You say your crème needs more Brulée?"

'We can order Lebanese, Thai, Italian, Indian, Greek or Chinese...'

"...But ASIDE from that, how was your trip to France?"

Nothing like traveling hundreds of miles to immerse yourself in art for the sole purpose of killing time between meals.

"I read somewhere that truffles are a gateway fungus."

Before/After

Jeff soon discovered his mistake in ordering the one ton soup.

"Dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, onion bagel with Nutella and cream cheese, dirt, dirt, dirt..."

"From right to left, you have your tekkamaki, your futomaki, and then your yamaimo roll. The little pile of pink stuff is ginger, the green one's wasabi. And, of course, you already recognize your vodka martini."

"You have a big check because you had a big wine."

'Is this still America?'

'What wine goes with comfort foods?'

"I can't go much longer without your asking why I'm vegan."

"Being vegan or vegetarian isn't enough anymore. From now on I will only cook stuff I stepped in on the sidewalk."

"Everything is dandy--and our intestinal biomes are joyous."

'You want to eat out tonight? -- What if we get addicted to good food?'

"Hey, …. what's not to like?"

'How was your holiday?' - 'Fantastic! Great weather! Great food! No illness!' - 'So, back to work tomorrow, then?' - 'Yeah, I guess so.' - 'Lousy, germ free holiday.'

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

"I didn't invent the wheel. I invented the pizza."

"Oh, Oh, Oooohh!"

A dozen predictions for foods of the future.

"We can hit any creperie you want, sonny boy."

"Who shaves the fennel in your family?"

"Perhaps you wouln't have declared so many places 'worth a detour' if you'd held the map right way up!"

'How was the squid?'

Pastrami in the wild

"Young man, the world is your oyster, but for God�s sake avoid peanuts, soy, milk, eggs, wheat, fish, tree nuts, and chocolate."