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Consumer Trends Straight Outta Kabul

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

'Enjoy your meal! We grow everything ourselves!'

La Table

"You don't throw them back if they're too small!"

Careful, the plate's probably still hot.

"You say your crème needs more Brulée?"

"Vindaloo hot enough?"

'We can order Lebanese, Thai, Italian, Indian, Greek or Chinese...'

"...But ASIDE from that, how was your trip to France?"

Before/After

Jeff soon discovered his mistake in ordering the one ton soup.

"I read somewhere that truffles are a gateway fungus."

"Dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, onion bagel with Nutella and cream cheese, dirt, dirt, dirt..."

Nothing like traveling hundreds of miles to immerse yourself in art for the sole purpose of killing time between meals.

"From right to left, you have your tekkamaki, your futomaki, and then your yamaimo roll. The little pile of pink stuff is ginger, the green one's wasabi. And, of course, you already recognize your vodka martini."

"You have a big check because you had a big wine."

Birthday Cakes: From Around the World

'What wine goes with comfort foods?'

'Is this still America?'

"I can't go much longer without your asking why I'm vegan."

'How was your holiday?' - 'Fantastic! Great weather! Great food! No illness!' - 'So, back to work tomorrow, then?' - 'Yeah, I guess so.' - 'Lousy, germ free holiday.'

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

"Being vegan or vegetarian isn't enough anymore. From now on I will only cook stuff I stepped in on the sidewalk."

'You want to eat out tonight? -- What if we get addicted to good food?'

"Everything is dandy--and our intestinal biomes are joyous."

"Hey, …. what's not to like?"

"I didn't invent the wheel. I invented the pizza."

"Oh, Oh, Oooohh!"

"Don't worry about it now, but I'll need that hook back when you're done."

"Who shaves the fennel in your family?"

"We can hit any creperie you want, sonny boy."

"Perhaps you wouln't have declared so many places 'worth a detour' if you'd held the map right way up!"

A dozen predictions for foods of the future.

'I'm filling in for the sommelier. We have a fine shiraz today for only $39. It's 14.7 alcohol, a Class 1B flammable, so if I see you consume it near an open flame, I'll have to cite you.'