Front-row Fan Gifts

"I've got a rare, front-row parking spot. I know I can't stay here during the holidays, but I'm allowed to dream."

"Don't worry, Ref, just shock, it's his first save all season."

"He tested positive for a new fever ... TB12."

Football Chameleon

Pregnant Cheerleaders,

"Uptight End"

"If you think I ride too fast, Susan...just say so!"

Supermarket - World Cup Specials

Whale Shark Thoughts...

Men playing water football in barrels on a lake

Birds doing the 'wave'.

'David when we said we would like you to be a role model for us. . .'

Archaeologists discover a football

'Now what?!'

'Blimey, boss - that's a bit revolutionary, isn't it?'

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

Formula One car origami

'Okay, men, let's go out and win one for the flipper.'

'Well it's too bad you're not a black widow like me, Slyvia...'

'Touchdown!'

'No we didn't get high definition TV - the wife dusted the screen.'

Referee cop.

Pig Trotter

"Go deep!"

"Something's trying to get through the Astroturf!"

Sir Elton John

'Bad boy! Drop the quarterback! Drop him! Drop!!'

Red Card - Gold Card.

Yoga. My goal in yoga is the same as the goal of defensive football players. Bend but don't break.

'And if the scores remain level, you can text the name of the team you want to keep in the tournament.'

'I've read your manuscript-it's a miracle you survived all the booze, sex, and drugs while on your world tour, but are you sure you want it published during an election year senator?'

Football Violence

"Thank you."

A well-known poet lives on this street. Building Supplies. I just need one. She authored a prize-winning screenplay. That offensive lineman is a novelist. My journalist friend is rejecting calls from my number. It's frustrating. I just can't escape writer's block.

The Bagel Wheel Derby.