Friendship Humorist Pillows

"Your dad can't phone a friend - he hasn't got one!"

Baseball says to prankster basketball: You're such a joker.

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"I just love the way you're so endlessly inventive in the bedroom."

"It's not the social stigma. It's the mercury."

"Let's talk film or let's not talk film - I'm easy."

"According to this article, snoring can result in justifiable homicide."

'Well, thanks, but we have no need of a Divorce Lawyer: We're Lovebirds you see...'

'No, I'm the marriage counselor. What you need is the semantics counselor down the hall.'

"It started rather well, but then, you sang two wrong notes, so that's a fail in my book. Try again at the next mating season..."

"I said I'd give you the world, didn't I?"

"You really ought to cut down on your scream time."

"See that stain? My wife did that, not me. All her, totally her fault."

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

"I'm Lester Holt, and this, is date night."

When at a loss for words Colin would often resort to communicating through the medium of contemporary dance.

"It's partly my fault he's been ignoring me lately. I'm the one who gave him the laser pointer."

Always Compatible

'The way we met was interesting. I opened my wallet and there she was!'

'Don't blame me -- You're the one who had to have more personal space!'

Tunnel of Temporary Infatuation

'Whaddya mean, 'Quit hogging the blanket'? There's a blanket in here?

"I honored her every request except for the last one: 'Harold, please stop making a scene'."

Phoenix

"What's with the Tim Russert act?"

"How barbaric! Females should be wooed by colourful displays, not fighting!"

"I've learned something about you tonight, Alan. You say 'chowmein' when you mean 'lomein'."

'Is that 'forsaking all others' bit compulsory?'

Barman In Love.

"Well, this isn't really going anywhere if you don't like public displays of affection."

I think you'll find that I'm easily encouraged. For instance, the fact that the two exclamation points above your head are tempered by one question mark gives me great hope. !?!

"I love a woman with a sense of humour."

'Would you say your glass is half empty or half full?' 'Whose round is it?'

"For God's sake, Lucille. We're IN a vacuum."

Nothing to say! Wouldn't wanna hear about it anyway!