Friendship Jokester Pillows

'You're not much help, shorty.'

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

'Of course I'll still love you when you're old and skinny!'

Einstein's T-Shirt reads: My Wife Doesn't Understand Me.

"I saved us a hundred bucks on a Jolly Jumper."

'Why can't he just say 'I do'?'

'I hate to say I told you so, Larry, but that's why you check your car for bears before you put on your seatbelt.'

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

A couple dressed as a knife and a fork

'When I was studying animal husbandry, I met the animal who became my husband.'

Wind Tunnel of Love.

A crab with a utility knife claw

'If I thought for one moment that you were identifying...!'

"Remember when we talked about how you send mixed messages. . ."

'Actually, I do mind wearing your pedometer!'

"So yeah - This is my ideal first date."

"Do you think someday we'll look back on this and laugh?"

'Twitter for goldfish.'

'They were all out of roses.'

Drainpipe in a sombrero.

Consenting Adults.

'I didn't know the church sold an extended warrenty on marriage?'

Speech-bubble-head-boy loves think-bubble-head-girl.

'Did you fart, sweetie?'

William, have I ever told you you're the wings beneath my wind?

"Pretty impressive for a product of a 3-D printer."

"Okay, who's been messing with the copy machine?"

'I now pronounce you hooked and booked.'

"With other dates I've been on, long walks on the beach seemed like a cliche, but with you it really feels genuine."

"My husband is missing. I haven't seen him since he started wearing camouflage clothes."

"Maybe we'd kiss better if we had lips."

"Well, he is at the age now here the repairs are starting to happen. Very quickly the cost exceeds the benefit. You better think about a new one."

'Why can't you just think irrationally every once in a while?'

Lengray's 1,001 practical Jokes for beginners (a man getting punched in the face with a mechanical glove).

'Darling, this is my ex. You know, the one I said you were twice the man of.'