Social Jokester Pillows

Daniel in the Lion's Den

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

"Can't you do something more creative than messing around with cupboard doors?"

"I saved us a hundred bucks on a Jolly Jumper."

'I hate to say I told you so, Larry, but that's why you check your car for bears before you put on your seatbelt.'

'Hey, what happened to my cookies?'

A crab with a utility knife claw

'Everybody on the internet now knows I'm a dog, so I'm pretending to be a cat.'

"I've edited your Wikipedia entry again, Sadie. You're about to be inundated with phone calls from the press." "Whatever, geek-boy." "You're now the world's foremost authority on Turkey leprosy, the disease that's threatening to ruin the holidays." "No one'll believe that." "Oh yeah? I wrote a Wikipedia page for Turkey leprosy, too, along with examples of all the historical figures it's killed, such as the Archduke of Crushistan." "There is no 'Crushistan.'" "I've written a Wikipedia entry for C

'Twitter for goldfish.'

"Someone has hacked into our Computer."

'Retirement is OK, but instead of looking forword to weekends, I'm working at McDonalds.'

That isn't what prove you're not a robot means, Bob.

Drainpipe in a sombrero.

"I propose a break from the office speak and two minutes of random profanity."

"Okay, who's been messing with the copy machine?"

"You idiots … we lost!"

"Remember, the password is case sensitive."

Lengray's 1,001 practical Jokes for beginners (a man getting punched in the face with a mechanical glove).

"Apparently, I'm fun, but I'm no fun in bed."

'Todd don't be such a clown...'

Whatcha doing, dad? I'm at work. Logging on. Tree's Tree Nursery.

'This painting's in very poor taste.' 'Yes. It's from his sour grapes period.'

'You should see a doctor. Maybe you have that West Nile thing.'

"Is there a humorist in the house?"

'You're breaking up...please text me.'

'He's just de-man's-best-friended me.'

'The electricians hot-wired the building inspector's car seat again.'

Dry Hard with a Vengeance

'Okay! Who changed my screensaver?'

'Face it dear, we are as old as we look!'

"Miss, the cloud swallowed my homework."

Golf Myth #293--Ball Washer

Unselfish by nature - he delights to show the novice where the big chub cruise...and where the best pike lie.

Interrupted Shower.