Online Jokester Pillows

"I've edited your Wikipedia entry again, Sadie. You're about to be inundated with phone calls from the press." "Whatever, geek-boy." "You're now the world's foremost authority on Turkey leprosy, the disease that's threatening to ruin the holidays." "No one'll believe that." "Oh yeah? I wrote a Wikipedia page for Turkey leprosy, too, along with examples of all the historical figures it's killed, such as the Archduke of Crushistan." "There is no 'Crushistan.'" "I've written a Wikipedia entry for C

Whatcha doing, dad? I'm at work. Logging on. Tree's Tree Nursery.

Fly surfing his A**ebook profile.

Myface.com.

'This is rude. My twitter account says, 'you have no direct messages. And you never will.''

Charlie Shared a Post

"I'm grounded. I forgot to delete the car's computer history after we did those crop circles on Earth."

"Do you honestly believe we evolved from a single snow flake?"

Clown teaches how to speak Jibberish

'How are the ventriloquist lessons going?'

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

"Four years of dental school only to tell all my patients 'Don't worry about any tooth issues - they'll just fall out and be replaced, anyway'."

Clown throws a bucket of confetti over car at 'Jimbo's carwash'.

If a bunch of crazy red headed clowns come out that door...Run like you've never ran before!

'Ok, here comes farmer Brown, put these on and remember.......act natural!'

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

No one has ever been accused of choosing bad relatives.

We did a biopsy on the mole we removed, and it turns out it was just an old piece of chocolate.

'Alright, which one of you wise guys pulled the fire alarm?'

''Yeah, mine's a rescue dog too.''

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

'Believe me, Mr, Hart, Laughter really is the best medicine,'

Armstrong? Why did UPS just deliver a microscope, a robotic arm, a huge incubator, a nucleus extractor and a dozen lab rats? Well, it's certainly not so I can replace you with an army of clones programmed to work for free. Well

Monkey Curling Lion's Mane.

This condition could be hereditary - does stupidity run in your family?

'Colin's dying to show you how his renewable energy scheme works.'

"Remember back in the day when I was a real heartbreaker?" "Riiight... now the only thing you break is wind."

Some card-game puns

"I've got writer's block."

'Hon? Did your phone go dead? Hello?'

"Not to brag or anything, but I'm the elephant in the room at my company."

'I'm sending another scam email requesting money to help free Willy...'

"We hang like this for the incredible ab workout."

"Will you listen to the same three anecdotes until one of you dies?"

'That's one hell of a cat-flap Harry. You must have a big cat, heh, heh.'