Friend With A Demanding Boss Gifts

Rudy, have a seat. There's something I need to tell you. What is it, boss? Businessman of the Year. Armstrong Maynard. I once owned a dog. I'd tell him to "sit" every five minutes, just to show him who's in charge. That's all. You can go. But be back in five minutes. I wish this chair was cushioned.

'I like the way you handle responsibility, McWit, so I'm going to blame some stuff on you.'

That shows business confidence.

"That's Paul, he's our head of partnerships..."

'That large, rolled up newspaper is a reminder - mess up in this office and you'll pay the price.'

"Yes, you have given 100% to this company. But, over the five years you've worked here that's only 20% a year."

'If you have nothing to do don't come round here and do it.'

"Of course we'll give you a choice. Would you prefer to lose your job to outsourcing or to robotic automation?"

'Everyone's true personality comes out on dress-down Fridays, even the boss's.'

Subordinate Employee

"I have good news and bad news, Tom. The good news is good for me. The bad news is bad for you."

'He's faxing like there's no tomorrow.'

"It's safe to close your eyes and relax...these meetings are safety equipped with front and side airbags."

Cog-In-The-Wheel

InOutYada Yada.

"Does this desk make my job look big?"

violence in workplace

"Jenkins, come in and pull up a bean bag."

Race for Results

'Being taller than me will get you nowhere.'

"I'm leaving a little early as I wasn't in quite so late this morning."

If there is a postive response, say it was my idea

'What's my secret? I never left work last night.'

'Where should I leave this?'

"Ah, Stevens—sit anywhere."

Thanks to an elaborate system of mirrors, every employee at Vecon Industries had a window view.

'Of course, that's just my opinion. It'll be yours, too, if you know what's good for you.'

'I should have told you, every Friday senior partners get to do the Prosecco Polonaise.'

Your supervisor says you have been giving 100 every week, but at the rate of 20 a day.

Self-Employment

Fish in Water Cooler.

"You're probably wondering why I called you in here today..."

"Well that email could have been a meeting."

"I can't believe it! In all my years in corporate business, yours must be the worst case of paper cuts I have ever seen."

"Dammit, Hopkins... It's the fiscal new year!"