Friend Who Needs A Laugh Pillows

'My boss took a pre-emtive strike... he fired me!'

Open mike night presents Sadie Cohen. Summer's almost over

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

You're dead to me, Marsha. And that's just the way I like it."

'You know bank pens never work. Why didn't you write the holdup note before we left?!'

"The bad news is that I backed into a fan. The good news is my owner's a plumber."

A Punch and Judy Professor is visited by Death as a puppet.

Man needs to buy excuse for missing work from vending machine.

'My god! Have you seen the size of this chiropodist's bill?!!'

"I'm excited to get fixed at the vet, had no idea I was broken."

At the mobile tracking test lab.

'Waiter, there's a hairball in my soup, too.'

"He's starting to flag a bit"

Teacher's sign in Philosophy class reads: 'Think', Sign in Science class reads 'Thunk' as student falls over.

"...and in conclusion..."

In trays read: Bluff/Blink.

Office Policy: Never Have More Than One Clown On A Team.

"The doc says I won't even make it another 45 years."

"The difference between us and them is...they can be reproduced by unskilled labour."

Exit. I never get tired of watching them fall for that.

"The world revolves around my cat."

"Maybe if we had better teachers we could learn new tricks."

'Great! You mean it's obedience school prom season already!'

Medieval sculptor hits thumb while carving a gargoyle.

C'mon boy, speak! Speak!

"You're getting more wrinklier, grandpa. You should drink more water."

Jane and Tarzan's wedding.

'Bernie, you're not gonna have anything disgusting to hurl at zoo visitors if you forget this.'

"Mr. Sherman, you hired our team of management consultants to stremline your enterprise, and that is precisely what we are doing."

"As president of the tenants' association, I have to inform you that our list of grievances has been eaten."

"Every five minutes it's 'feed me this, get me that' or something along those lines, I mean, I'm parrot-phrasing."

Nature gave some animals weak eyes for a good reason. Never buy your pet rhino bifocals.

A parrot business meeting

Have you seen Dorothy lately? She's sooo over the rainbow!

A field goal kicker kicks his teamate instead of the ball through the goal posts.