Friend In Need Of A Good Laugh Pillows

"As president of the tenants' association, I have to inform you that our list of grievances has been eaten."

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

Open mike night presents Sadie Cohen. Summer's almost over

You're dead to me, Marsha. And that's just the way I like it."

'You know bank pens never work. Why didn't you write the holdup note before we left?!'

A Punch and Judy Professor is visited by Death as a puppet.

"The bad news is that I backed into a fan. The good news is my owner's a plumber."

Man needs to buy excuse for missing work from vending machine.

At the mobile tracking test lab.

"I'm excited to get fixed at the vet, had no idea I was broken."

'My god! Have you seen the size of this chiropodist's bill?!!'

'Waiter, there's a hairball in my soup, too.'

'Would you say your glass is half empty or half full?' 'Whose round is it?'

"...and in conclusion..."

Teacher's sign in Philosophy class reads: 'Think', Sign in Science class reads 'Thunk' as student falls over.

"He's starting to flag a bit"

"Must we have ten minutes blasphemy every night?"

"The doc says I won't even make it another 45 years."

Office Policy: Never Have More Than One Clown On A Team.

In trays read: Bluff/Blink.

Exit. I never get tired of watching them fall for that.

"The difference between us and them is...they can be reproduced by unskilled labour."

"The world revolves around my cat."

"Maybe if we had better teachers we could learn new tricks."

'Great! You mean it's obedience school prom season already!'

C'mon boy, speak! Speak!

'Bernie, you're not gonna have anything disgusting to hurl at zoo visitors if you forget this.'

"You're getting more wrinklier, grandpa. You should drink more water."

Medieval sculptor hits thumb while carving a gargoyle.

"Mr. Sherman, you hired our team of management consultants to stremline your enterprise, and that is precisely what we are doing."

"Every five minutes it's 'feed me this, get me that' or something along those lines, I mean, I'm parrot-phrasing."

Have you seen Dorothy lately? She's sooo over the rainbow!

Nature gave some animals weak eyes for a good reason. Never buy your pet rhino bifocals.

A field goal kicker kicks his teamate instead of the ball through the goal posts.

A parrot business meeting