Friend In Need Of A Good Laugh Pillows

"As president of the tenants' association, I have to inform you that our list of grievances has been eaten."

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

'You know bank pens never work. Why didn't you write the holdup note before we left?!'

You're dead to me, Marsha. And that's just the way I like it."

A Punch and Judy Professor is visited by Death as a puppet.

"The bad news is that I backed into a fan. The good news is my owner's a plumber."

Man needs to buy excuse for missing work from vending machine.

'Waiter, there's a hairball in my soup, too.'

'My god! Have you seen the size of this chiropodist's bill?!!'

"I'm excited to get fixed at the vet, had no idea I was broken."

At the mobile tracking test lab.

'Would you say your glass is half empty or half full?' 'Whose round is it?'

"He's starting to flag a bit"

"Must we have ten minutes blasphemy every night?"

Teacher's sign in Philosophy class reads: 'Think', Sign in Science class reads 'Thunk' as student falls over.

"...and in conclusion..."

Office Policy: Never Have More Than One Clown On A Team.

In trays read: Bluff/Blink.

"The doc says I won't even make it another 45 years."

"The difference between us and them is...they can be reproduced by unskilled labour."

"Maybe if we had better teachers we could learn new tricks."

'Great! You mean it's obedience school prom season already!'

"You're getting more wrinklier, grandpa. You should drink more water."

Medieval sculptor hits thumb while carving a gargoyle.

C'mon boy, speak! Speak!

"Mr. Sherman, you hired our team of management consultants to stremline your enterprise, and that is precisely what we are doing."

"Every five minutes it's 'feed me this, get me that' or something along those lines, I mean, I'm parrot-phrasing."

A parrot business meeting

A field goal kicker kicks his teamate instead of the ball through the goal posts.

Nature gave some animals weak eyes for a good reason. Never buy your pet rhino bifocals.

Have you seen Dorothy lately? She's sooo over the rainbow!

"Thanks a bunch. I'll just run these by our committee and pass them along."