Friend Observing A Relationship Gifts

'He grew on me and he's been watering himself ever since!'

"Evidence suggests she was working on the puzzle, got up to make tea, husband enters and puts last piece in..."

"He's no hat and all corgis."

'If history keeps repeating itself, why do I have to repeat this class?'

"I feel like I don’t even know my own husband ... and it’s driving me wild!"

'You have failed on all counts...'

"I opened the last of the emergency wine."

'I'll come in as soon as I've seen the orbits of Venus.'

Randy the Love Doctor. What ails you, brother? My wife wants us to renew our vows and have a big ceremony. But I'd rather save that money for retirement. Should I tell her to go take a hike? Of course. That way, there's a good chance you won't have to worry about retirement at all. Exactly ... Wait, what do you mean by that?

"Their wedding registry has 8 place settings of double wall, stainless steel water bottles."

"Hurray! I discovered a new planet!"

"I think he just ashed on me."

"Is this your bright idea, Janet?"

"I've decided to major in engineering...college loan debt restructuring."

'Here's what she was reading - an articl called 'Parents can be fun'.'

"Of course I attend the meetings but I'm more of a lurker,"

'We should talk more.'

"I'll tell you what he's got that we haven't - a bigger leaf!"

Popular college book: How to say 'Send money' in 101 languages.

"Legs up to here!"

Unmanned drones.

A child and a babysitter gazing out of a window

'It has cut down on note-passing, glancing at fellow students' test papers and spitballs.'

Man Flap

'I admire your persistence, Melvin, but I'm in love with another woman.'

"Flippin' eck Mandy, don't your parents ever go to bed?"

'Watch this space.'

Shy Man at Party

Sushi bar Chef: DARN Sushi train spotters!

"You're grinding your teeth again."

"Believe me, Alice, you didn't miss a thing. It wasn't even a party—it was a positioning event."

101 Positions/101 Excuses

"I wasn't cheating. He's just peer mentoring and doesn't know it."

"Before I start the test, Ms. Masten....May I say you've never looked lovelier!"

'...and seven years ago I donated one of my kidneys to him. I want it back.'