Friend Discussing Relationships Gifts

'I left Marie when I found out she was 75% silicone.'

"In my life, I've had seven cars, six jobs, five houses, four bypass operations, and three wives!"

"I feel like I don’t even know my own husband ... and it’s driving me wild!"

'If history keeps repeating itself, why do I have to repeat this class?'

'You have failed on all counts...'

Randy the Love Doctor. What ails you, brother? My wife wants us to renew our vows and have a big ceremony. But I'd rather save that money for retirement. Should I tell her to go take a hike? Of course. That way, there's a good chance you won't have to worry about retirement at all. Exactly ... Wait, what do you mean by that?

"I've decided to major in engineering...college loan debt restructuring."

Popular college book: How to say 'Send money' in 101 languages.

'It has cut down on note-passing, glancing at fellow students' test papers and spitballs.'

"I never said 'I love you'. I said 'I love ya'. Big difference!"

"Don't even start, Claire. You knew I was a snake when you took me in."

"Before I start the test, Ms. Masten....May I say you've never looked lovelier!"

'I feel obligated to tell you that this offer may expire without prior written notice.'

"Have you given your daughter the 'Why Buy The Cow When You Can Get The Milk For Free' speech?"

"I wasn't cheating. He's just peer mentoring and doesn't know it."

"I like my coffee like my men: light and weak."

'45 and never been divorced? What's wrong with him?'

"I don't think we're going to be able to agree on a pizza topping that will solve all of our problems."

'He grew on me and he's been watering himself ever since!'

'I need to know where I stand, Ursula.'

"We've been avoiding it for way to long. We really need to have a face-to-face text."

"Margo, I think it's time we talked about us."

"This has always been your answer to everything, hasn't it !"

'This is a meaningful relationship, the sex means a lot to me.'

No.1 best-selling book on college campuses - 'How to say 'send money' in 101 languages'.

"Before you take my phone away, can I tweet that you're taking my phone away?"

'Oh, it's not Wally. The problem is ME. The truth is, I've never been comfortable in my own demographic!'

"If you had to choose between your husband and a million dollars...what would you buy?"

Ok, it is a 'Man's World,' but I can't always excuse myself to go powder my nose!

'What a lovely card.' 'Yes, and it's made from recycled paper. Which is apprpriate considering you're on the rebound.'

Report on Plagiarism - 'You've copied all this off the internet...'

'Is your marriage okay?' - 'I wouldn't know. We're not talking.'

"It's not that I'm opposed to beards, Lawrence. . ."

"Every time I start to get close to a woman an alarm goes off in my head."

'I'd like to get rid of him. Is there an app for that?'