Friend Dealing With Partners Gifts

"Don't even start, Claire. You knew I was a snake when you took me in."

'Ahhh...'

'Still having a hard time finding day care?'

'Don't leave baby alone with this really cool tiny phone. It's a choking hazard.'

"I feel like I don’t even know my own husband ... and it’s driving me wild!"

'If history keeps repeating itself, why do I have to repeat this class?'

'Still having problems finding a baby sitter?'

'Toast'

"Their wedding registry has 8 place settings of double wall, stainless steel water bottles."

"I've decided to major in engineering...college loan debt restructuring."

Fat Kid 31- Pet slug runs amok

'You sure your dad won't mind if we use his silicone spray?'

"Oh, it's just more white-male stuff."

Dog Walking and Child Walking.

Popular college book: How to say 'Send money' in 101 languages.

"Are you still mad at me?" "Mentally I'm storming off right now."

'It's the parents' 4x4x400 metres.'

"Sorry I'm late, the crosstown is running local."

'You reckon your Pram' will do 'nought to four miles per hour in ten seconds'...I wasn't born yesterday, you know!'

Mummies and babies having a natter over lunch.

'Of course you can hear a rattle!'

"You may not like what I've dug out, but you did ask me to snoop into your husband!"

'He grew on me and he's been watering himself ever since!'

Hard Hat Area: Marriage Guidance Bureau.

"Before you take my phone away, can I tweet that you're taking my phone away?"

"So now I guess I'll have to meet your friends."

"If you had to choose between your husband and a million dollars...what would you buy?"

'Reflexes Normal.'

"I came back because our manager needed more attention than my two-year-old."

'I keep it this way on purpose, for speedy reference.'

"Truth be known, I don't miss him at all!"

'I'd like to get rid of him. Is there an app for that?'

"My baby doesn't cry. When she's upset, she texts a crying face emoji."

"Every time I start to get close to a woman an alarm goes off in my head."