Friend Dealing With Partners Pillows

"Don't even start, Claire. You knew I was a snake when you took me in."

'Ahhh...'

'Still having a hard time finding day care?'

'Don't leave baby alone with this really cool tiny phone. It's a choking hazard.'

"I feel like I don’t even know my own husband ... and it’s driving me wild!"

'If history keeps repeating itself, why do I have to repeat this class?'

'Still having problems finding a baby sitter?'

'Toast'

"Their wedding registry has 8 place settings of double wall, stainless steel water bottles."

Randy the Love Doctor. What ails you, brother? My wife wants us to renew our vows and have a big ceremony. But I'd rather save that money for retirement. Should I tell her to go take a hike? Of course. That way, there's a good chance you won't have to worry about retirement at all. Exactly ... Wait, what do you mean by that?

"I've decided to major in engineering...college loan debt restructuring."

Fat Kid 31- Pet slug runs amok

"Technology is for babies!"

'You sure your dad won't mind if we use his silicone spray?'

Dog Walking and Child Walking.

Popular college book: How to say 'Send money' in 101 languages.

"Oh, it's just more white-male stuff."

"Are you still mad at me?" "Mentally I'm storming off right now."

'It's the parents' 4x4x400 metres.'

'You reckon your Pram' will do 'nought to four miles per hour in ten seconds'...I wasn't born yesterday, you know!'

Mummies and babies having a natter over lunch.

"Sorry I'm late, the crosstown is running local."

'Of course you can hear a rattle!'

Hard Hat Area: Marriage Guidance Bureau.

'He grew on me and he's been watering himself ever since!'

"You may not like what I've dug out, but you did ask me to snoop into your husband!"

"Before you take my phone away, can I tweet that you're taking my phone away?"

'Reflexes Normal.'

"So now I guess I'll have to meet your friends."

'I keep it this way on purpose, for speedy reference.'

"I came back because our manager needed more attention than my two-year-old."

"If you had to choose between your husband and a million dollars...what would you buy?"

'I'd like to get rid of him. Is there an app for that?'

"Truth be known, I don't miss him at all!"

"My baby doesn't cry. When she's upset, she texts a crying face emoji."