Friend's Kids Pillows

'You sure your dad won't mind if we use his silicone spray?'

"Can we do that again tomorrow night?"

A young Don King

'Ahhh...'

I will study my speling words...

'X is unknown? Even to somebody with all your education?'

"What do you think I can get for it on the blackboard market?"

'Still having a hard time finding day care?'

My book report is based on the audio book of the same name.

"I give up. Where's the power button?"

Timmy had one heck of a security blanket.

(When I'm good I'm very very good, but when I'm bad I'm... Well….) (Horrid?)

Twenty-first century baby walker

"Bad things happen to people who don't buy my cookies, Sir."

"We realize that kids start using technology at a younger age these days, so our strollers come with Bluetooth, Wi-Fi and GPS."

'Don't leave baby alone with this really cool tiny phone. It's a choking hazard.'

WELCOME TO KINDERGARTEN!, 'Boy, talk about psychobabbl!'

'In Show and Tell today, I showed my birthmark! I got expelled!'

'I know what you're thinking, are those legal shoes.'

"I'm exempt from the company fitness program. I have triplets at home."

"Some school - They teach us about the Fifth Amendment, but they won't let us use it on TESTS!"

'Look. Billy Curry did a nude!'

"I wish they'd never discovered fertility drugs!"

'Still having problems finding a baby sitter?'

Boys making skis from bits of fence.

'You still owe me the pony from last year!'

"Our next contestant is Mildred and her specialist subject is "Other People's Business""

"Their wedding registry has 8 place settings of double wall, stainless steel water bottles."

Kid to kid: 'I can't be wearing out my welcome. I didn't even step on it.'

"11th Grade Math for Nincompoops"

"Sure, helicopter parenting is bad but drone parenting is way worse."

'How was I to know that my invisible friend was so rambunctious?'

Teacher to student: 'Nice use of glitter, but you were assigned to do math problems.'

"Could you speak a little louder? I'm recording this."

"Don't worry, Emily. . . I'm woke and you're woke, so I'm sure our baby will turn out woke!"