Online Relationship Observer Gifts

Another case of twisted kids using the Internet to exploit grown-ups.

"Evidence suggests she was working on the puzzle, got up to make tea, husband enters and puts last piece in..."

Updated fairy tales - "Cinderella." Dating Service. It's not often we get a client looking for a specific shoe size.

"Is this your bright idea, Janet?"

'Thou shall not covet the neighbours same sex partner.'

'Here's what she was reading - an articl called 'Parents can be fun'.'

'We should talk more.'

Unmanned drones.

'You were right. We should have gotten a lap dog.'

"Flippin' eck Mandy, don't your parents ever go to bed?"

"If I could choose any age I'd be forty-two again. You were hot when I was forty-two."

'Why is there a 'Like' button but no 'Despise' button?'

'I admire your persistence, Melvin, but I'm in love with another woman.'

"You didn't post anything on social media today. So, the church sent someone over to witness miracle."

"Believe me, Alice, you didn't miss a thing. It wasn't even a party—it was a positioning event."

"Good lord! Four of my dearest Facebook friends died last week!"

"If they say 'Rubensesque' in their profile, they mean they're a Botero."

"I investigated your husband, Mrs Adams. He isn't cheating on you. In fact, I'm your husband. We've just really lost touch recently."

"To the most beautiful girl in the world... Happy Valentine's Day!"

'Frankly, don't bother fighting over me: I don't fancy either of you...'

If a tweet is sent out and no one signs up to read it, does it exist? Happens millions of times a day.

"You're grinding your teeth again."

'He'd never invent anything if I didn't nag him.'

"He cares what everyone wants for Christmas except me!"

"It's 6 o'clock. Do you know what's trending now?"

'Yes, I need to move: I'm starting to have a reputation on the bachelor scene here...'

"I could see my mating dance had caught her eye, so I put more energy into it, but I ended up sweaty and out of breath: she lost interest then. . ."

"I've been to all his weddings."

"I love you." "I love you less."

"Is everything okay, dear? You're smiling!"

'We have to be careful, Miss McPherson -- I had to marry my last secretary.'

"Yes, dear. I see you."

"Would you have a moment to take a short survey about your experience?"

"You're not really into this, are you, Frank?"

'Don't touch it. That's my wife talking to me.'