Fretful Philosopher Gifts

John W. Wilson 1949-2009 - Forgot to ask his doctor everything he wanted to ask him.

If you bathe a skunk in tomato juice, it will smell like a dog. A bird in the hand is better than two in your shorts. Never wear aqua after Thanksgiving. Unconventional wisdom.

'Dang it, I just washed this street. Boy, every time...'

Pigeon Little

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

'If, as you say, they're so evolved, why do they need to wear clothes to survive?'

"Wait... what was it I came up here for?"

George Orwell

"I keep telling myself I've got to slow down."

Reverse psychology

"I'm sorry, but you didn't recognize me as the Messiah when I had braces and glasses."

"Hang on, I know I came into the kitchen for something..."

"Let's see now: All dogs have four legs. I have four legs. Therefore, I am a dog."

Yeah, well, I only failed my logic exam because I'm a Pisces and my professor's a Leo.

Cars follow the sign to the mall rather than the sign to the manger.

"With the benefit of hindsight, I’d say no, Ed, it wasn’t ‘funny’ letting him steer the boat!"

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

Jeffrey's Time Machine: '...I want to go back and see what the world was like when people weren't so stupid and annoying!'

"I could have been a big celebrity but for my fear of public speaking."

'I could have made money in the stock market if I had only found the right 'How to invest' book...'

'Do you have anything for absent-mindedness?'

'You're lucky. At least you know your troubles aren't psychosomatic!'

"How do you know if you're really in love, Randy?"

"I don't know about you, but I don't like being a high school guidance counselor."

Rodin's 'The Thinker' imagines himself as Rodin's 'The Kiss'.

'Don't Move!' - 'Why would I want to move? Lived here for 51 years, know all the neighbours, shops nearby, post office is closed but...'

'No matter how hard I work, I'll never get higher on the food chain then this?'

"It's chic to be vulnerable."

"Is it always so cloudy?"

The War Against Imagination

"It Works For Us."

'Well, you're bankrupt, but look on the bright side -- it only cost you eight dollars per transaction!'

'Did you ever wonder why iced coffee is goof but cold coffee isn't? . . . You're not curious like I am.'

The existentialist manifesto according to Jean-Paul Sinatra-'oooby Dooby Doo!'

"Now they're saying 80 is the new 70. So, when's the new dead?"