Frenetic Philosopher Gifts

"I keep telling myself I've got to slow down."

"You can't compare apples and oranges because oranges have longer legs."

"Hang on, I know I came into the kitchen for something..."

'Water cooler's really busy this time of day,'

"I want the contract to say that if we win a championship of any sort, no one spills champagne on my head."

'Do you have anything for absent-mindedness?'

'I'm feeling a little remiss about missing both free throws.'

Trust your instinct...listen to that little haunting voice that gives you subtle messages...'call in sick.'

'I suppose you're wondering why you're not on it!'

"Oh my God -- I just remembered I can fly."

'We now have a drug to cure 'writer's block' but a common side effect is plagiaism.'

Elderly man at top of stairs with a revolver and an axe: 'I've completely forgotten why I came upstairs.'

Man reading 'Amnesia volume 1' while having a bookshelf full of 'Amnesia Volume 1'

"Honey, I'll be right back – I forgot to stop at the bar on the way home."

The brain cell that was suppose to help me remember.

'According to this, my coffin should be facing the south side of the crypt.'

I've come back here to remember what I forgot in the first place.

'All I hope for is that the weekdays don't ruin my weekend.'

'Do you need me to remind you when your wife's birthday is too?'

"Oh, Hailey! You're so beautiful in the glimmer of the bonfire! If I didn't know it would make you pregnant, I'd give you a great big kiss!"

Legends of Hold Music

'Rumor has it, Beegley, that you don't smoke - you just like to get outside to goof off...'

Will hell freeze over?

"Now, what am I here for?"

"What's the secret of your longevity, Grampa?" "I guess it's because I was just never that curious about anything."

"Lighten up, pal, it's only a spider!"

"Don't let the new boss catch you having a cigarette break...there's a rumour he watches his staff like a hawk!"

'What do you mean, 'Land Ahoy!'? We're just trading Fishing Season for Hunting Season.'

"I forgot to pay the light bill. I swear, I would forget my head if it wasn't screwed on."

"Beats hanging around the water cooler."

Walt's train of thought left at 9:05. He wasn't on it.

Annual Amnesiacs Convention.

A shadow government uses religion and politics to control we the people as pawns.

"Christmas, birthdays...this divine guide will help you deal with idiotic gifts..."

Grim reaper is selling 2012 calendars. A man passing by says-'Talk about adding insult to injury . . . '