Frenetic Philosopher T-Shirts

"I keep telling myself I've got to slow down."

"You can't compare apples and oranges because oranges have longer legs."

"Hang on, I know I came into the kitchen for something..."

'Do you have anything for absent-mindedness?'

'Water cooler's really busy this time of day,'

"I want the contract to say that if we win a championship of any sort, no one spills champagne on my head."

Trust your instinct...listen to that little haunting voice that gives you subtle messages...'call in sick.'

'I suppose you're wondering why you're not on it!'

'I'm feeling a little remiss about missing both free throws.'

"Oh my God -- I just remembered I can fly."

'We now have a drug to cure 'writer's block' but a common side effect is plagiaism.'

Elderly man at top of stairs with a revolver and an axe: 'I've completely forgotten why I came upstairs.'

The brain cell that was suppose to help me remember.

Man reading 'Amnesia volume 1' while having a bookshelf full of 'Amnesia Volume 1'

"Honey, I'll be right back – I forgot to stop at the bar on the way home."

"Poop. I forgot my coffee mug was on the roof of the saucer."

'According to this, my coffin should be facing the south side of the crypt.'

I've come back here to remember what I forgot in the first place.

'Do you need me to remind you when your wife's birthday is too?'

"Oh, Hailey! You're so beautiful in the glimmer of the bonfire! If I didn't know it would make you pregnant, I'd give you a great big kiss!"

Legends of Hold Music

'All I hope for is that the weekdays don't ruin my weekend.'

"Now, what am I here for?"

'Rumor has it, Beegley, that you don't smoke - you just like to get outside to goof off...'

Will hell freeze over?

"Lighten up, pal, it's only a spider!"

"Beats hanging around the water cooler."

"Don't let the new boss catch you having a cigarette break...there's a rumour he watches his staff like a hawk!"

"What's the secret of your longevity, Grampa?" "I guess it's because I was just never that curious about anything."

'What do you mean, 'Land Ahoy!'? We're just trading Fishing Season for Hunting Season.'

"I forgot to pay the light bill. I swear, I would forget my head if it wasn't screwed on."

Walt's train of thought left at 9:05. He wasn't on it.

Annual Amnesiacs Convention.

Grim reaper is selling 2012 calendars. A man passing by says-'Talk about adding insult to injury . . . '

A shadow government uses religion and politics to control we the people as pawns.