Freelance Guru Gifts

Boss

'It finally took me thirty years, but I finally have one of every 3-D comic book ever made'

'Hey! What's the big idea!?!'

'Hi, this is Batman. You've reached the Batcave. I'm not in right now but as soon as I return I'll call you bat.'

Kirsten Johnson

'You wiseaces who said, this factory would move to China are wrong! It's moving to India!'

How's my enlightenment? Call 1-800-Nirvana.

'I don't actually work for you. I'm a consultant.'

'This exotic dessert I make is guilt-free. I already burned all the calories running around finding the ingredients!'

'It's normal -- Enlightenment freaks a lot of people out.'

"Is that you nomad's answer to everything...ROAD TRIP?"

'Hey! It's way too early to declare me, 'Nerd of the Century'!'

Cartoon computer

"Finally, a co-worker who CAN handle Big data!"

The Wiki Man.

'It's all right, Dad -- it's a Buddhist chat room!'

The Last Jerseys.

If your question concerns your golf ball, the answer is yes, I know where it is.

Humane Mouse Trap "It doesn't kill them,. It just makes them feel really guilty about inconveniencing you."

"We were really looking for someone who could lead people. How many followers do you have on Twitter?"

"I was solving those same problems when I was your age."

'I understand the Adirondacks are where it's REALLY happening.'

"As long as you insist that we hire executives smarter than you, how about we get ones that smell better, too?"

"Frankly, we're just keeping out heads above water."

'I am playing outside, Mom -- look at the graphics.'

Your online profile only lists positive things about you. Of course, a "profile" only shows one side of a person.

'My date last night was a 10. Of course, I'm using the binary system.'

Hoping to appear 'hipper,' many candidates are sporting Justin Bieber haircuts.'

What your coffee drink of choice says about you...

"Boy, Dr. Perkins, are you a 'site' for sore eyes!"

"Maybe when they're a little older, my son can help yours with his homework."

"I'm retiring to spend more time with my social media accounts."

"I'm guessing with all that mold coming out of your computer, it's been awhile since you've added fresh content to your site."

"Excruciating boredom, my son, is the beginning of wisdom."

How's the exciting, glamorous and sexy world of the blogosphere treating you, Lars? It's all those things, Axel, but unfortunately, it's not financially rewarding