Forum Philosopher Gifts

Dear Forum, thou was on yon Saturday - A literary type writes into the lads' mags.

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

"One year closer to college!"

"It turns out crows find a bunch of dead crows more frightening than a man made out of hay."

'So what are you studying, young man?'

The devil you know and his plus one

"I don't know… Did you try Googling it?"

"As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from restless dreams, transformed into a monstrous vermin, he thought to himself: never again bourbon and tequila in the same night, and this time, I mean it."

'No thanks, I don't drink when I'm driving home a point about investing.'

'He's got classic form, but if he doesn't improve his grades he won't get into college. He doesn't think.'

WELCOME TO KINDERGARTEN! "It was mostly okay, but there's way too much micromanagement!"

'A 'D' in physics and biology, an 'A' in reading aloud. What will ever become of this kid?'

Life after death

"I'm not going to lie. It took a large speaker's fee to get me to say your future is bright."

'All dogs have 4 legs. Tabby has 4 legs. But I'm just a kid, so I don't have to think logically.'

Student - Haven't emailed in 2 days.

"I went back to warn them, but they already knew and didn't seem to care."

"My feeling is that while we should have the deepest respect for reality, we should not let it control our lives."

"Oh, the crystal ball rolled off and fell right on my foot! Didn't see it coming!"

Meekness of Mr Pecksniff and his Charming Daughter

"I've founded my own religion." "Of course you have, Rudy." "It's off to a good start. Already, it's being mocked by people of other faiths." "If history's any guide, within a couple hundred years, it'll be widely accepted and people who don't believe in it will be persecuted." "What are the central tenets of your religion?" "A true Rudian knows that life is suffering, and winning arguments online is salvation."

"I devote most of my time to defending the bastions of culture."

'I've got a highspeed connection and I get spam... therefore I am!'

'Before you go, introduce yourself, so that I know who you were...'

Grass: We lost some good men today!

"You'll get over him."

"I attempted to circumvent the traditional trappings of a teen furlough...but I was thwarted by my czar-ish parental unit."

"Last time I saw you, you were just a baby."

"It's from the Facebook company. They're buying out every messaging platform."

Club insecurity.

'Someday, when our pre-frontal cortexes are fully developed, we'll look back on this and shake our heads.'

"What do you mean, we don't have an 'exit strategy'?!"