Forced Retirement Gifts

'It's my own fault. I never upgraded my skills. I was replaced by a man half my age with a more advanced smartphone and hundreds of productive apps.'

"This is the most difficult decision this board has ever made. We're putting you in a nursing home."

"Good game."

"In high school, I was quite the star in metal shop."

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

'Behold. Ed and Jim have finally reached nirvana.'

"You're very interesting, for a civilian."

"He's got no clue how easy he has it compared to his ancestors."

Lady of the Cake.

'You wanna play another round?' 'Sure....tender, another round!'

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

'Not that net!'

Business books - Who's Who & Who's Downsized sections.

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

'Something for the weekend, Sir?'

"Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Yay!!! I died rich!"

"A retired superhero's re-purposed utility belt"

"The GPS works great, we have satellite TV installed, the Sirius stereo sounds fantastic and our every move is tracked by Qualcomm. But could you turn around? I left me iphone at the house. . ."

"I don't care if you are the Immediate Gratification Generation. Get out of my chair and back to the mailroom."

"You've been so good to us all these years. Is there anything we can do to repay you?"

"Yo, Eunice – don’t leave me hangin’."

"Hawaii, where are you folks going?"

Woman uses a remote control to turn on the sunset.

"Feel free to take notes."

"I've decided to step down as CEO so I can spend more time with my money."

Help! I'm ROFL and ICGU!

'This is the only part of my old Army uniform that still fits.'

Old navy veteran 3rd base coach

'Life is great' down on the farm.

Allotment

The Solitary 'Pleasure' Fisherman whose one desire is to get away from it all.

Do you mind if we stop calling this a "starter house" now?

"Your contents have shifted."