Footprint Detective Gifts

"If I could just get him to wipe his feet before entering the house, it would cut my cleaning day in half."

"We finally reached net zero emissions."

The interested bystanders.

Evolution.

Bigfoot tracks...

'There's really no need for confusion. Part 95 of section 33 of Article L in the contract clearly states ...'

"What about my footprint?"

'Frank, I think it's about time you bought another pair of boots.'

Garden Talk - "I've decided to do some muck spreading."

"Honey, check it out — giant porcupine tracks."

Fine Print Letters

I figured out how these folks keep guaranteeing the precise day the world ends. Shhh. Keep it down. Why? It's a scam? If you read the read the fine print, they are promising that the world will begin to end that day. Could take forever. It's a no-lose scam … Shhh! What? It's scary when the world might end. There are a lot of people out there who need comforting. Women people, I presume. Women people, I presume. Who take comfort in necking. And you belittle their fears?

"OK, let's see. For starters, the guarantee only covers the muffler."

Same Day Glasses - "They'll be ready in a month. It's not my fault you couldn't read the fine print."

"He's hit, and he's hurt. Now we'll follow his audit trial and finish him off."

'I've brought my attorney along to read the small print.'

Lawyer to lady: 'Since I specialize in eye injuries, I've eliminated all the fine print.'

"The fine print, in the contract, can be read only if held up to a mirror."

'I'm sorry, sir, but you can't use your frequent-flier miles because one of our blackout dates,,,'

I didn't know there were so many gardeners. They aren't gardeners. Flower Show. He is. She isn't. She is. How can you tell? Look at their feet!

Shipping contract.

ACME INSURANCE COMPANY, 'Of course, the death benefits don't apply if it's the Government that kills you.'

"This house must be very kid friendly. It has handprints wallpaper..."

"I guess you should have read the fine print on that tag before you ripped it off the mattress."

'So I looked at your Facebook page...oh man...there's no way you're getting this job!'

'There's really no need for confusion with this Medicare stuff. Page 95, section 33, paragraph L in the instructions quite clearly says ... '

Contract Mouse Trap

"You may read the small print Mr Hill, but you obviously didn't read the microscopic print!"

Watson, this is the footprint of a gigantic hound!

'Remember, once you've put it online...it's there for ever!'

We are indubitably lost, my dear Gretel, but as a first year law student, your dear Hansel has left a obvious paper trail!

The Panama Effect

"I just have time to make some toast, analyze its particle sizes, its density, its chemisorption..."

'We don't know whether he's snowed under with work, on holiday, off sick or even passed on...'

"How the hell does he do that?"