Football Steward Gifts

The public and private lives of a football steward

"Would you like some wings?"

"Think we'll still make happy hour?"

Kenny Dalglish

"OK Dad, I've counted and categorised all the trees in our part of the wood: Now we can start on our sustainability plan..."

'I got a reverse hat trick. I let three goals in.'

"I'll put this device onto flight mode when you put this plane onto flight mode."

'There was a time I thought humans were as smart as we are.'

'He's definitely heading for a red card.'

Better Do SomethingAbout Climate Change

After the latest pay bonus and benefit awards you've won, I've decided to join you on the shop floor.

'The trouble with living on a farm is there are too many things a child can do.'

'There's nothing in the rules about gloves.'

No Cabin Crew Self Service.

'This is a collect call from 'THE CAPTAIN.' Do you accept all charges?'

'Catching lunch again Steward?'

Referee's Free Kick Pack

'You wished to see the house red?'

'I'm hiring a football equipment manager to add some padding to my résumé.'

'I wandered lonely as Wayne Rooney playing up front for England.'

'You know, you remind me of me when I first started here.'

'Quick! Page the flight deck, bring me oxygen, gloves, a mask and someone junior!'

'I think you should know, I put a piece on 'YourTube' praising your stewardship.'

'Happy New Year!'

A sign at a restaurant - Food left unattended will be eaten by the waiter.

More Fifa officials indicted over bribery scandal

Red Card on the Podium

Stats. Fantasy League. The difference between men and boys is men draft their imaginary friends onto fantasy sports teams.

"I always thought you blokes were supposed to be impartial."

'You may be wondering what a sex scandal has to do with managing the national team...'

Our Job Steward

'Fitzroy, the sea is a bit too cold to swim in. Would you please go and get the immersion heater?'

'Sorry sir, the 'No Steak and Lobster Jokes' sign just came on.'

'For me, this is actually an improvement; my wife is home with our octuplets.'

'You don't need to worry Jean, he's a very simple cook.'