Football Agent Gifts

'..we just paid 300 million for him!'

'He's severely strained relations with his teammates... get his agent.'

'He's soccer mad! Ever since he did his first sums he's wanted to be a players' agent.'

'Billy, they've offered to look the other way on illegal and immoral transgressions if you drop your 'I need to be spoiled rotten' demand.'

"Here are the tactics."

'It's not easy being ahead of your time.'

"College basketball recruiters are after him."

'Look - a starfish, its manager, its agent, its minders, its significant other, its make-up artist, its personal trainer, its secretary, its astrologer, its feng shui consultant...'

"Seth, here, is one of the best young creative compromisers in the business."

'Maybe we should sign him before the MVP award is announced.'

No Baseball

Currently Boston

"Or we could raise your profile by coming out with that pimple on the end of your nose."

"Great news, I've booked you two stag nights, a hen party and fourteen solemn thanksgiving services for members of the theatrical profession"

"OK, we may not have ways of making you talk, but we do have ways of making your leg twitch uncontrollably."

"The team needs LEADERSHIP, anyone have a view on that?"

Meet Santa's entourage

'Now go out there and sell yourself!'

"Well, I have an opening in Cloverdale Mall ... let me hear you say Ho Ho Ho."

Snow White and her Seven people.

'Because I'm so sick of those movies, now go get me a romantic comedy.'

'Please, Dad? Can we? Can we? Pleeeease?'

'Michelle's Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms'

"People are always banging on about the advantages of 'so-called' diversity."

'Oh, the guru is up on the next peak -- I'm his agent.'

'Therapy in L.A.'

'What makes you think we want to sell you son.'

'He's definitely heading for a red card.'

'With your 4-4-2 formation I don't think you'll see the end of this match.'

Football fans discuss a deceased manager: A giant, a legend, much loved. Didn't we sack him?

Baseball players and their qualifications.

"You're looking at the next Bob Dylan."

The Acme Agency: "Dedicated to Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Media Exposure."

'He followed me home, Mom. Can I sign him to a five-year, $80-million contract?..'

'...I know just the man, I'll send him right over.'