Football Agent Gifts

'..we just paid 300 million for him!'

'He's severely strained relations with his teammates... get his agent.'

'He's soccer mad! Ever since he did his first sums he's wanted to be a players' agent.'

'Billy, they've offered to look the other way on illegal and immoral transgressions if you drop your 'I need to be spoiled rotten' demand.'

"Here are the tactics."

'It's not easy being ahead of your time.'

'Look - a starfish, its manager, its agent, its minders, its significant other, its make-up artist, its personal trainer, its secretary, its astrologer, its feng shui consultant...'

"College basketball recruiters are after him."

"Seth, here, is one of the best young creative compromisers in the business."

'Maybe we should sign him before the MVP award is announced.'

Kenny Dalglish

No Baseball

Currently Boston

"Great news, I've booked you two stag nights, a hen party and fourteen solemn thanksgiving services for members of the theatrical profession"

"Or we could raise your profile by coming out with that pimple on the end of your nose."

"OK, we may not have ways of making you talk, but we do have ways of making your leg twitch uncontrollably."

"The team needs LEADERSHIP, anyone have a view on that?"

'Now go out there and sell yourself!'

"Well, I have an opening in Cloverdale Mall ... let me hear you say Ho Ho Ho."

Meet Santa's entourage

Snow White and her Seven people.

'Because I'm so sick of those movies, now go get me a romantic comedy.'

Baseball players and their qualifications.

'Oh, the guru is up on the next peak -- I'm his agent.'

'What makes you think we want to sell you son.'

Employment Agency. I didn't hire him -- Those bipedal guys are are afraid to get their hands dirty.

'He's definitely heading for a red card.'

'Please, Dad? Can we? Can we? Pleeeease?'

The Acme Agency: "Dedicated to Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Media Exposure."

"You're looking at the next Bob Dylan."

'He followed me home, Mom. Can I sign him to a five-year, $80-million contract?..'

'With your 4-4-2 formation I don't think you'll see the end of this match.'

"People are always banging on about the advantages of 'so-called' diversity."

'Therapy in L.A.'

'Michelle's Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms'