Sport Agent Gifts

"Of course I trust my agent...he's got two very honest faces"

'What distance! Pity it wasn't the hammer!'

"College basketball recruiters are after him."

'Look - a starfish, its manager, its agent, its minders, its significant other, its make-up artist, its personal trainer, its secretary, its astrologer, its feng shui consultant...'

"Seth, here, is one of the best young creative compromisers in the business."

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

'Maybe we should sign him before the MVP award is announced.'

No Baseball

Currently Boston

"Which part are you reading for?"

Egyptian Football

"OK, we may not have ways of making you talk, but we do have ways of making your leg twitch uncontrollably."

"We both see Ben as this summer's breakout child."

"Or we could raise your profile by coming out with that pimple on the end of your nose."

Gold Medal for IOC boss Thomas Bach in the discipline of Brown-Nosing-Dictators-For-Money.

"Great news, I've booked you two stag nights, a hen party and fourteen solemn thanksgiving services for members of the theatrical profession"

'Good news from the field, sire! Attila did not like the referee's call, so he's folding up his tents, taking his ball and going home!'

'You haven't heard the best thing. . .no referees.'

'Nine national treasures in one film! Start writing your Oscar speech, darling.'

'The only thing exciting about these games is our dads fighting with the umpire.'

'That was a flagrant misconduct of the left hand.'

Jocko, a man for all sports' seasons.

"Compromise? What the hell is there between safe and out?"

Pole Vault Rules

The Unsportables: Javelin Throw

'It looks suspiciously like Killer Hart is taking a dive!'

Meet Santa's entourage

Snow White and her Seven people.

'I finished last, but I was the only one who passed the drug test.'

'Because I'm so sick of those movies, now go get me a romantic comedy.'

"Bob, you're just not selling me on you essential hamburgerness."

'Are referees black with white stripes or white with black stripes?'

'My long-range goal is to turn pro and lead the league in product endorsements.'

'This is not what I meant by a free kick.'

'Now what?!'