Basketball Agent Gifts

'Billy, they've offered to look the other way on illegal and immoral transgressions if you drop your 'I need to be spoiled rotten' demand.'

'It's not easy being ahead of your time.'

"College basketball recruiters are after him."

'Look - a starfish, its manager, its agent, its minders, its significant other, its make-up artist, its personal trainer, its secretary, its astrologer, its feng shui consultant...'

"Seth, here, is one of the best young creative compromisers in the business."

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

Henry the amazing talking dog.

No Baseball

'Maybe we should sign him before the MVP award is announced.'

'Let's go over our secret play.'

Currently Boston

Enterpe, Terpsichore, Calliope, and Bernie, their agent.

"We both see Ben as this summer's breakout child."

"OK, we may not have ways of making you talk, but we do have ways of making your leg twitch uncontrollably."

"Great news, I've booked you two stag nights, a hen party and fourteen solemn thanksgiving services for members of the theatrical profession"

"Which part are you reading for?"

"Or we could raise your profile by coming out with that pimple on the end of your nose."

"I love being your agent, Nick, but the guys making the really big bucks now are the managers. Let me be your manager."

"The team needs LEADERSHIP, anyone have a view on that?"

Meet Santa's entourage

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The David Letterman Show Goes to the Dogs, Cats, Birds, Guinea Pigs...

Basketball.

'...'Fire the coach'...'Fire the coach'...'Fire the coach'...'

Snow White and her Seven people.

'Because I'm so sick of those movies, now go get me a romantic comedy.'

"Bob, you're just not selling me on you essential hamburgerness."

"You played yourself in your last picture. Everyone found it unconvincing."

"I'm thinking action roles might not really be your thing."

'The best gig I can get you for your comeback, Lazarus, is DJ in the graveyard slot.'

"Face it - in this town, either you're a star or you're just another brown dwarf."

Casting in the swamp.

'Therapy in L.A.'

'Oh, the guru is up on the next peak -- I'm his agent.'