Basketball Agent Gifts

'Billy, they've offered to look the other way on illegal and immoral transgressions if you drop your 'I need to be spoiled rotten' demand.'

'It's not easy being ahead of your time.'

'Look - a starfish, its manager, its agent, its minders, its significant other, its make-up artist, its personal trainer, its secretary, its astrologer, its feng shui consultant...'

"College basketball recruiters are after him."

"Seth, here, is one of the best young creative compromisers in the business."

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

Henry the amazing talking dog.

No Baseball

'Let's go over our secret play.'

'Maybe we should sign him before the MVP award is announced.'

Currently Boston

Enterpe, Terpsichore, Calliope, and Bernie, their agent.

"Which part are you reading for?"

"We both see Ben as this summer's breakout child."

"Or we could raise your profile by coming out with that pimple on the end of your nose."

"OK, we may not have ways of making you talk, but we do have ways of making your leg twitch uncontrollably."

"Great news, I've booked you two stag nights, a hen party and fourteen solemn thanksgiving services for members of the theatrical profession"

"And what else do you think you can bring to the role of Edmund, Earl of Gloucester?"

"I love being your agent, Nick, but the guys making the really big bucks now are the managers. Let me be your manager."

"The team needs LEADERSHIP, anyone have a view on that?"

'Nine national treasures in one film! Start writing your Oscar speech, darling.'

'...'Fire the coach'...'Fire the coach'...'Fire the coach'...'

Basketball.

Sid Sinatra.

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The David Letterman Show Goes to the Dogs, Cats, Birds, Guinea Pigs...

Meet Santa's entourage

Snow White and her Seven people.

'Because I'm so sick of those movies, now go get me a romantic comedy.'

"Bob, you're just not selling me on you essential hamburgerness."

"I'm thinking action roles might not really be your thing."

"You played yourself in your last picture. Everyone found it unconvincing."

"Er. . . anything else?"

"Face it - in this town, either you're a star or you're just another brown dwarf."

'What makes you think we want to sell you son.'

'Therapy in L.A.'