Sports Agents Gifts

'Glen Hoddle employs faith healer' "Remember the days we only had a magic sponge?"

Stone age sports agents.

"College basketball recruiters are after him."

'Look - a starfish, its manager, its agent, its minders, its significant other, its make-up artist, its personal trainer, its secretary, its astrologer, its feng shui consultant...'

"Seth, here, is one of the best young creative compromisers in the business."

Man at computer at sports company wears sweat band on head.

No Baseball

'Maybe we should sign him before the MVP award is announced.'

Currently Boston

"Great news, I've booked you two stag nights, a hen party and fourteen solemn thanksgiving services for members of the theatrical profession"

Gold Medal for IOC boss Thomas Bach in the discipline of Brown-Nosing-Dictators-For-Money.

"Or we could raise your profile by coming out with that pimple on the end of your nose."

"OK, we may not have ways of making you talk, but we do have ways of making your leg twitch uncontrollably."

Meet Santa's entourage

Snow White and her Seven people.

'Because I'm so sick of those movies, now go get me a romantic comedy.'

'My long-range goal is to turn pro and lead the league in product endorsements.'

'Therapy in L.A.'

Baseball players and their qualifications.

"You're looking at the next Bob Dylan."

Sportswasher's

'Oh, the guru is up on the next peak -- I'm his agent.'

'He followed me home, Mom. Can I sign him to a five-year, $80-million contract?..'

Goodenow & Bettman: We have a deal Bob! But do we have any fans left?

'What makes you think we want to sell you son.'

'Please, Dad? Can we? Can we? Pleeeease?'

'Michelle's Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms'

'He's checking with his agent to see if it's okay to score a try!'

'I have Tourette's, and they play backup.'

Professional football.

Hollywood, 2083.

"My agent."

'Slugger' Sims...Leader in: Home Runs, RBIs, Endorsement Deals.

"A P.R. Intern Named Salome with the Head Shot of John the Client."

Sign Him.